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Monday, July 12, 2010

My Newest Obsession

So I have a new obsession.  (I know my wife is like, "What is it now?!?" - In my defense, those Tickle Me Elmos will NEVER go out of style. You can take that one to the BANK!)  I was looking through the stats of some of my readers because I like to know which states are diggin' my vibe. (No one says that phrase any more for some reason.  But I like it.) Of course, Tennessee is really just destroying the other states because we ROCK!  (Or it could be because I live here and most of my friends live here.  Another reason could be because it doesn't distinguish between my actual readers and how many time I click on my OWN site.  That's probably half of it right there.) There are 4 more states with honorable mentions: #2 - Indiana, #3 - Illinois, #4 - Cali, and #5 - Texas.  (GO COWBOYS!)  You guys rock, but just a little less than the big TN right now.  There's still time, though.

So here is where my newest obsession comes in.  I started looking at numbers and something jumped out at me.  Even though I am not very popular in the blogging world (or any other world for that matter), I have readers all across the country.  Some states only have 2 visitors but I count them too. (West Virginia, South Dakota and Delaware - You guys pebble!)  I should be proud to say that I'm at least interesting enough that at least 1 person from every state has checked out my site. But I can't make that claim.  There is 1 state that is forcing me to add a * any time I want to say that every state in the entire USA* (see what I mean) has registered at least 1 viewer on my site.  And that state is... [drum roll please]... freaking WYOMING!

Map of USA with Wyoming highlightedImage via Wikipedia


Now... I could take the low road and say some really offensive things about Wyoming right now but what's the point.  No one there would even see it.  It would be like a tree falling in the forest with no one around. (In case you were wondering... it DOES make a sound.)  I went all the way back to when I started regularly writing this blog and not a single mouse-click from Wyoming.  That means not only am I not interesting enough to have at least 1 fan from there, but also that no one in the state has even ACCIDENTALLY clicked on my site... nothing!

So I could take this minor inconvenience as what it is and just walk away.  I could walk away knowing that I have readers in other countries around the world like: Hong Kong, Norway, Nepal (Really? Nepal), Iran (Wait, how did that get there?!?) and Romania.  (I do realize that those countries probably hit my site on accident but I'm counting them too!) But I'm not like that.  I'm not happy just walking away and leaving 1 state untouched.  This really bugs me!

So I'm going to challenge myself.  You hear that, Wyoming?!?!  I may not be on YOUR radar but you are on MINE!  I'm going to challenge myself to find just one person in the state of Wyoming to click on my site.  (Preferably on purpose but I'm not discriminating!)  All I'm asking for is just ONE click.  It's going to be a little tough because I don't know anyone from Wyoming.  I'm not even sure if I have ever met anyone from there.  But that's why this is a challenge.

Now the hard part is how to break the proverbial ice with the whole state.

Maybe I should talk nicely to it: Hello, Wyoming!  How's everything going?  Even though you have the smallest population of any of the United States (about a third of the population of Metro Nashville) you are still big to us (the 10th largest state in the union).  We really should hang out sometime.

Maybe I should apologize to it: I'm sorry, Wyoming.  I haven't been such a great friend.  When we plan family vacations, we don't even think of you.  And that is my fault.  I mean you have Yellowstone National Park out there.  So we will have to make at least 1 trip out there to see Old Faithful AND Yogi Bear.  What was that, Wyoming?  What did you say?  Ohhhh.... Yogi lives in JELLYstone and not YELLOWstone.  Who knew? Well, I won't let that small (large) oversight keep me from visiting.  We really don't have a great past (or any past) together.  And I promise to change that going forward.

A Jackalope in all of its glory!
Maybe I should offer it a gift: Wyoming... I would like to give you a Theme Park or some other interesting tourist attraction.  I do understand that you have the Jackalope Territory.  And that is a MUST SEE for any would-be tourist. (I'm serious about that one.  I really would like to see some Jackalopes.)  But I don't think it has the same affect as a Disney World or a Six Flags over Cheyenne.  Not that you really want all of those visitors to you state, but try it on for size and let me know how you like it.  Truth be told, I wouldn't really be too upset if we had to go back to the Jackalopes.  Just sayin'.

Maybe I should offer it a strong beverage, witty banter and suggest an inappropriate relationship between a person and a state: Here's to you, Wyoming. This one's on me. Now, let's cut the crap!  You need me and I need you.  Let's do dis thang!  We could go the friend route but you and I BOTH know that would leave us wanting more.  And I'm just not ready to give up on you.  I would rather live in YOUR world than to live without you in MINE.  You complete me.

And if NONE of that works, I'm going to resort to bribery.  Now, my wife and I don't have any money.  And even if we did, I'm not sure she would let me do much with it after the whole Tickle Me Elmo thing.  (Sorry, Honey.)  But I will definitely not let my first Wyomingan go away empty handed.  This quest has monumental written all over it.  So there will definitely be a prize in for you.  There MUST be a prize.  Even if the prize is just getting an 8x10 photo of me doing this:

Yeah... Unfortunately, that's really me.
But the 8x10 is stunning! 


And even if that picture of me is not enough (I can't imagine that it wouldn't be), you will help me do something even more important.  You will be the first (and probably only) fan that I have in the entire state.  You will help me remove that dreaded * from the USA.  You will help me reunite this great nation in a way that it hasn't seen in years (dare I say centuries)!

And when the skeptics and Naysayers pipe up ask, "Wyoming???" (Because you know they will!) I will proudly stand up, put my hand over my heart and respond with a statement that will be quoted for ages, "Wy(not)oming?!?"  Because, that's how much you mean to me.
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36 comments:

  1. Oh, my. You are so dang funny. (Much funnier than Spuds.) Next summer, we plan to visit Yellowstone as part of our honeymoon trip. I promise to visit your blog while I'm there.

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  2. @Christy - WoW! I literally just posted this a few minutes ago. Definitely let me know how the trip is. I'm sure I will visit there... one day.

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  3. Are you sure it's Nepal? You didn't mention India (which is where I am)...the city I'm in is pretty close geographically to Nepal, so the dot might look like it's from there :D
    And yes, you are pretty funny!

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  4. Hmm your post got me wondering how many counties there are in Wyoming and what towns are in Wyoming.
    I wondered where you would find a cinema in Casper or a good kids club in Cheyenne? Did you know the population of Gillette is 19,646? Is there a Target in Laramie? I wondered where it would be? What estate agents are in Green River?

    It occurred to me that I didn't know if there was a Starbucks in Rock Springs, Sweetwater!

    These questions have been bugging me ever since I read your post - if only there was a blog somewhere that had all these answers on - now that would be useful to me and probably some Wyomingians too :-)

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  5. Hilarious. Wyoming, you don't know what you're missing. I'm pretty sure they don't have internet access

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  6. @Gaby - The stats show Nepal (Kathmandu). It does also show several hits from India. And I'm sure you are to thank for most of those hits. You kept India from being an obsession later. THANKS!!!!

    @Glen - You know... That's way more information than I was looking for about Wyoming. That's only because I haven't taken it to the NEXT level. If I don't get the person I'm looking for in the state, I will have to up my game. And those are some excellent questions for the home stretch of the game.

    @Homemaker Man - Thanks! They will eventually know what they are missing. I will make sure of that! But you might be right... lack of internet access might contribute to this problem.

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  7. Being such a newbie here, I'm wondering how you know where people are viewing you.

    Good luck with Wyoming.

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  8. Waaaahh you mentioned all those other places but neglected your neighbours to the north. There have got to be folks up here in Canada that read your blog (well yes, I do). Now I know your post was about Wyoming but my feelings are hurt .... just a little .... okay I'll live

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  9. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Way too funny. I hope you get Wynotoming, but did you see that Indiana was number two!!!! Hooray for Indiana!

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  10. @SandyAnnDee - I'm sure there are several ways to check that but since I'm using Blogger.com (as you are) I use Google Analytics. It's free and it does a lot of tracking for ya.

    @Bonnie - I have nothing but love for my friends up north! You are my #2 country. That's awesome, eh? Once I get the Wyoming problem fixed I will make sure I throw some good will up there.

    @Missy - Yeah! Indiana just swooped past California recently. I don't know what happened there but I'm not complaining. And how about the nerve of those Wyoming people? LOL.

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  11. Love the picture, can I get an 8 x 10?

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  12. Alright, I'm gonna risk sounding ridiculous, but......there aren't really Jackalopes, are there? There I said it. I'm am truly unsure as to whether or not a Jackrabbit with antlers exists or not. :)

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  13. Linda (the mother-in-law)said...
    Could I get an autographed 8X10? And if you need me to drive from Colorado to Wyoming with my laptop...just say the word...and send gas money

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  14. My sister lives in Laramie. I'll send her your link and ask her to stop by. No need to thank me, but I do like chocolate.

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  15. Does anyone actually LIVE in Wyoming, Que?

    And LOVE the picture! LOL LOVE IT!

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  16. @Leslie (my lovely wife) - Of course you can have an 8x10. I'll even throw in a few wallet size pics for you as well. That's how good a husband I am.

    @aurora's cross - Really? You've never seen a jackalope?

    @Linda (the mother-in-law) - I'm sure I could spare at least 1 more 8x10 for family. Consider it yours. And you don't even have to drive to Wyoming to get it. I will, however, think about you plan if I don't get someone there in a few weeks. I know that's a manufactured win, but then again... aren't they all?

    @Table for Seven - Hey, I found somebody that KNOWS somebody that lives in Wyoming! That's pretty cool. 1 degree of separation. Well, if this happens, I cannot confirm or deny that there might be chocolates added for the person that made it all happen. :)

    @Dawn - The jury is still out of that one. I will make the call in a few weeks. As far as the pic...It is good, isn't it?!? LOL!

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  17. You crack me up! I love this post. I think if someone dropped the word sex into your post in comments (ahem), maybe that would do the trick. I know we're new friends, but if you only knew how I once built my blog readership. Well. Let's just say it was black and lacy.

    Good luck on landing that date with Wyoming!

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  18. @Lisa - Ha! Black and Lacy. My wife knows what I look like outside of the stunning 8x10 prize and I'm sure she would think that's a bad idea. LOL!

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  19. Over 21 hours in and there are no takers from Wymoning! I know it's only day 1 but I thought at least 1 person from the state would hear my call. Oh, Wyoming... Where are you??? Texas and Cali hear me just fine. But my call must be falling onto the ears of the mighty jackalope.

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  20. :) thanks for the laugh! I also know someone in Wyoming. I'll send her a link.
    Do you know what else Wyoming has besides the Jackalope? Antelope! and lots of them! I live in Colorado and get to drive through the Windy State of Wyoming on the way to Utah to visit family. We used to make a game out of counting the Antelope to entertain the children on the 8 hour drive through that state. good times ;)

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  21. You know what else has been spotted as far north as Wyoming? Chupacabra. That's right, move over Jackalope! There's a new creature in town. I just read about it on Wikipedia and as we all know if it's on Wiki, it a stone, cold fact. As for my Wyoming theory? I'm thinking that both people in Wyoming with internet access are so busy uploading their enhanced images of the Chupacabra to Wiki that the have not yet stumbled on the awesomeness that we all know (and love) as "Dad by Trade". Just a theory. Thanks again, Que! I can always count on you to bring the funny!
    -ME

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  22. @Luwanna - Thanks for reading! Now I've heard of some CRAZY games, but counting Antelope??? You guys are wild! lol. That's also funny that people know people that live in Wyoming but no one lives there. Thanks for helping on the Quest for Wyoming!

    @ME - Chupacabra!!! Oh, man! Wyoming is getting more interesting everyday! I'm so there. After reading what a Chupacabra is, your theory on Wyoming might be right. They need to know all the information they can about that sucker! :)

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  23. OK, I have to apologize.  I totally spaced sending the link to my sister.  But I just did it.  Hopefully you'll have a WY hit before tomorrow.  Cross your fingers and say a prayer.  OK, maybe the crossed fingers thing is a bit much....

    ~Beth F.

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  24. I agree. I think you are MUCH more funny than I am! You have to be! You are outnumbered by women in your house by 4 to 1! That's comedic gold mine! Seriously! You are doing awesome! We need to find someone from Wyoming! Come ON Wyoming!

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  25. I can't believe out of all the folks that read your blog that you have no fans in Wyoming.

    Well I just put out a call to my folks on Twitter to drop by and visit you if they are from Wyoming, so I'm curious to see if you get one. :)

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  26. @Table 4 7 - LOL. No need to apologize. I think it's actually kinda funny... sorta. :) And I don't think crossed fingers is a bit much. I'm almost at the point to where Divine Intervention is necessary.

    @Spuds - Thank you for your mighty call. But alas, I don't know if even the Mighty Spuds can bring someone out of hiding in Wyoming.

    @twistedxtian - Thanks! I'm not sure if Tweets are going to work though. If they don't respond to regular email I don't have much hope for tweets. :)

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  27. Hey! You've got Colorado (I've visited a few times but I can't remember If I commented before today). I was going to suggest you use "Wyoming" as a tag, but I see you already did that. May I also suggest "Wyoming sucks," "I love Wyoming," and "Wyoming in the news." Oh, you'll get visits. Maybe also a really high bounce rate, too; but visitors! Can't believe you've gotten Nepal, but not Wyoming. Very interesting.

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  28. You now have a follower from Old Blighty!! I couldn't not follow a fan of Tickle me Elmo! If the citizens of Wyoming can't see that then I say it is there loss!

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  29. Hey, Cali is only #4? Whaaaat? How could that be? ;) And hey, maybe Dawn is right. Maybe there is nobody in Wyoming...because they moved to Cali after they found out how awesome it is! (And are willing to stand the heat...) Hey, anything is possible!

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  30. Alright, Wyoming is in the house. You can move on now. Congrats on meeting your goal! I can't say it's divine intervention but I'm here none the less. One of the many reasons why noone from Wyoming has checked out your site maybe that we are too busy being blown away or stuck in a blissard to be online. Oh well, the weather is great for now so I will count my blessings.

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  31. WYOMING HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING!!!! That is awesome! I can now unpack and change my vacation plans. Thanks for visiting. I really appreciate it!

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  32. Does Wyoming really matter? I mean, really. It's just WYOMING. No big deal. Kidding. Seriously though, I have to check out Google Analytics. I didn't even know that existed. But I do want to ask: how do you add captions under your photos??

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  33. haha I just really just stumbled across your blog. You crack me up. Wish I could say I was from Wyoming, but I'm not. Sorry I can't help you out! :(

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  34. @Lilly - I was beginning to wonder about that after a little while. But the obsession was too great. I had to find that one person. Also, to add a caption under the pic all you have to do is add the pic to your blog, click on the pic and it should give you the option to "add caption". I have found that it doesn't work on ALL pics but I haven't figured out which ones it doesn't work on.

    @Nicole - Thanks! I appreciate that. Luckily the quest for Wyoming is over. Life can get back to normal.

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  35. Australia didn't even get a mention - HELLO - someone from AUSTRALIA here..... no......well glad you got a Wyoming in your mix!

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  36. @Mum - Hey, Australia shows me a lot of love. I have a few viewers from down under! I'm still waiting until I can take a month-long tour of Australia. A dingo would be much more fun than a jackalope!

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