Sunday, November 29, 2009

Just a word to the wise...

Don't ever cancel your internet provider without having the other one installed! That's all I'm saying.

My ISP has assured me that I will be back in the land of the living Wednesday, 12/02/09.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Earning Parent Stripes

It has been a while since my last post.  This has been one of those crazy weeks that parents with multiple children have every now and then.  If you have kids (especially multiple children) then you can relate.

About a week ago, the little one was having trouble sleeping.  She woke up several times that night and kept my wife up all night.  For some that would be an issue but our little one has only slept through the night 5 times in the 14 short months of her life.  So we just thought it was a little worse than normal but nothing big.  Well, the next night was my night.  So I had the same night as my wife.  I was up with her the WHOLE night.  Nothing like going to work on 3 hours of COMPLETELY interrupted sleep.

After 2 nights, we decided it was time to take her in.  She had a slight fever but nothing crazy.  But this is our 3rd child so we are seasoned pros.  We know when it's time to take the kids in to the doctor.  It was time.  We take her in and find out she has a double ear infection.  YEA!!!  She only has 2 ears so might as well infect them both so the other doesn't feel left out.  They gave her medicine and that night she slept through the night.  I wish I could say the medicine worked multiple nights, but it didn't.  She's not sleeping again... So we are back to normal there.

3 days later... The middle child wakes up and is calling me into the room.  I go in there because she doesn't usually wake up early.  When I go into her room she says, "Daddy, I need to go to the doctor."  I had never her say that sentence in my life.  So I ask her why.  And she grabbed her ear and said her ear hurts.  What really tipped me off that she was really sick was when she held our her arms for me to pick her up.  The middle child is NOT one of those huggy-feely children.  She'd sooner hit you than hug you.  But that morning, she wanted daddy hugs... We immediately took her to the doctor!  I bet you can't guess what it was.

Yep, another ear infection!!!!  I know those aren't (supposed to be) contagious.  But what are the odds!?!?  I should have gone out and bought a lottery ticket.  But I didn't.  We are still poor (as one of my other blogs suggests).  And we have sick children.  They gave her the same medicine and life was back to normal... for a few days.

The story goes back to the little one (who was just getting over an ear infection).  2 days after the middle child had her ear infection, the little one gets up in the morning throwing up and looking sad.  We didn't know if it was an isolated YAK or if there was an encore performance.  Well, on the way to daycare, the encore started like she was playing The Beatles Rock Band.  So my wife decides to keep her out of daycare.  Actually a little bit later the decision would have been made for her.  One of the kids at the daycare tested positive for H1N1.  So they closed the daycare down anyway.

With the H1N1 scare going around, the doctors decided they wanted to test the little one because of her symptoms.  So my wife took her BACK to the doctor to get tested.  After 2 trips to the doctor (within a few hours of each other) and 2 individual tests, they find out she doesn't have the Swine Flu (good news) but she does have a highly contagious stomach bug (BAD NEWS).  Now we have to nurse her to health and keep the other kids away from her at the same time.  The old kid juggling trick is in affect!  That part I'm kinda ok with.  I get to test my cat-like reflexes when separating the kids.  It's also the only time I get to stiff arm and push kids to the side... for their own safety (of course).

I wish the story ended there...  But 2 days later (today, this VERY morning)...  The middle child wakes up PROOKIN'.  That is just awesome!  My reflexes failed me.  If I had just knocked her out of the way ONE MORE TIME we would be fine right now.  Now I get to play the lets-not-get-the-internal-juices-on-the-carpet-furniture-or-other-kids game.  This will definitely count as one of the father/daughter moments I get to cash in on later!  Let just hope the oldest doesn't get this bug.  She has a gymnastics meet today (that I will miss because my day will consist of carrying the middle child back and forth to the bathroom with super speed).

Hopefully we are on the backside of this mess.  I will let everyone know if I need to "part two" this story.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Is it my turn already???

I wonder... If I start acting sick now will my wife believe that I have Conjipti-functu-itis in a few weeks.  She must not only believe that it is a rare (VERY RARE) condition but also that it is so rare (VERY RARE) that Google doesn't even know what it is yet.  The only cure for it is bed rest, TV, lots of food and... well I'm going to stop there (adding the next item would insure she wouldn't believe me).  Really, she just has to believe that I'm too sick to take the little one to the doctor.  It's time for the 1-year shots in my house.

I was there for the middle child's shots.  I think I saw all I needed to see.  So if she's worried that I'm going to miss this wonderful rite of passage from tod to toddler then she can rest assured... I got it!  I think I'm going to sit this one out.

I think she's got this thing ALL wrong.  She's measuring the shot situation in quantity.  And I'm measuring it in quality.  A few years back our middle child had an infection in her finger.  And I took one for the team.  I had to hold my pre-toddler daughter in my arms (and not in a loving way.  It was more of a please hold your daughter down so I don't get slapped kinda way...) while they gave her three shots down to the bone.  They sent my wife and oldest out of the room for that one.  So doing that one act should have bought me more than 3 years of reprieve from shots.

And if for some reason that doesn't fly then I think I'll see if I can categorize this as a father/daughter moment.  That way if it's ever said that I don't spend enough time with her I can say, "Hey... We just went to the doctor last week (or month or year (I'm not sure what the statute of limitation is on that argument though)).

And when none of those pass my wife's BS-o-meter I will just have to man-up and do what I have to do.... reverse psychology!  I will let her know that she is right.  This IS a job for a man.  And she did right by BEGGING me to take the little one in for her shots.  The kids need MY support for strength and the love that only a father can give during these tough times.  And to top it all off... I might even FORBID her from ever taking the kids to the doctor.

Just so everyone knows... If things go down so far that I have to resort to my previous paragraph then this might be my last blog entry.  Because if I say any of the above to my wife... I will probably be one that needs to go to the doctor.  And she will probably let me take that rite of passage all by myself.

Friday, November 6, 2009

House FULL of Women!

When I was in elementary school, the thought the idea of a house full of women was just yucky!  When I got to high school, I began to realize that the idea had a LOT of merit.  When I got to college, it was the things that wishes and dreams were made of.  Now that I'm older (and live in a house full of women) the dream is MUCH different.  Be careful of what you wish for, you just might get it.... when you least expect it.... sometimes years later.... with strings attached.  This, in NO way, resembles what I had in mind in my college days.

I will always be outnumbered.  The "girls" have this unspoken union (though I think the 1-year old is TRYING to tell me but it just keeps coming out: DA, DA, DA. (need to brush up on my baby Morse Code)).  Of course, anytime I try to bring up this... theory, I'm met with hysterical laughter followed by a demand for me to fetch her shoes (and that's from the 3-year old!).  So something is not right!

This is a hidden, high-tech operation.  It is complete with spies and obvious modes of sabotage.  Enter the Stealthy Ninja Investigative Tween Childlike Human (or S.N.I.T.C.H for short).  The model we have is 10-years old (going on 11) and it hasn't lost a step!  She is designed to sneak up on the target (me) and report all findings to the "mother"ship.

Most of the time I'm doing something completely innocent (as ALL fathers do) and that's when she strikes.  So, I'm in the kitchen making myself a nice, healthy breakfast (most important meal of the day).  My breakfast is done and I turn around... and... BAM!!!  There she is asking, "Whatcha doin'?"  It's obvious what I'm doing.  I'm making a healthy breakfast to get my day started right (as ALL fathers do).  But she is asking in hopes I'm going to give away more information than I need to so her report will be complete.  Now, I've seen this trick before.  She going to leave it at that an act like that's all that's going to happen.  So I go and enjoy my breakfast and listen.... And there's the report: "Mommy, daddy's eating pizza for breakfast." or "Mommy, daddy's eating a hotdog for breakfast." or "Mommy, daddy's eating spaghetti (or chips, or candy, or some other healthy meal) for breakfast."  You get my point.  And even if she doesn't see "MOMMY" for a whole day... the report is as detailed as if just happened.  Half the time I don't remember doing the "crime" but I won't deny it when questioned.  If she said I did it, I probably did.

Then there's the "Better Recognize" Undersized Toddler Enforcer (or B.R.U.T.E.).  She's only 3 but, apparently, she's the muscle of the operation.  Her job is to make sure I don't get out of line.  I didn't know that's what her job was before but I have since figured it out.  I should have known by the way she laughs when I trip over, run into or drop something that I'm not supposed to.  Also, I find it odd that she only wants ME to read a book to her at night.  I originally thought she just loved me more than her mom.  But now I see the real genius behind the reading.  She only enjoys the book when I allow her to smash my hand between the pages or otherwise hurt myself during the course of the reading.  What in the world was I thinking?!?!?

And the last one is far more devious than the other 2.  Her code name is A.N.G.E.L. (I thought there was some cutie name behind it but there's not.  The name is meant to distract you from her real purpose).  But don't let that name fool you.  Her job is to make sure I wake up every 2 hours on MY night to cater to her needs.  She makes sure I am good and tired every other morning.  Because if I'm sleep deprived, I won't be able to concentrate on a plan to strike back.  But the true evil of the plan is that she does all of this and when you just can't take it anymore... She smiles.  It's like a Jedi Mind Trick!  There's no defense for it.  You just have to avoid it.  And if you don't... She gets what she wants.

Some of you are are doing the math right now then you are probably wondering why I left someone out.  My wife.  You really think I'm going to come up with some acronym to describe my wife.  What kind of fool do you take me for?!?!  You can't make a cute little sentence to describe a woman that is Special With Elegance, Ethics, Talent, Intelligence and Excellence.  That would just be wrong (plus it would get me absolutely nowhere)!  So I'm going to leave it at that.  I just hope the 10-year old doesn't read my blog because I can guarantee my wife will get the message that there is an update before I can finish this sentence.