Weekend Stroll - What Ifs

I was wondering of you wanted to take a weekend stroll with me.  I know, I know!  Impossible, right?  You are there and I am here.  Well, maybe not.  You don't actually have to be here for the stroll.  Besides, where I am, it's cold outside.  So, we are just going to make this a mental stroll.  I'm going to take a few minutes to step away from the funny in order to allow you into my mind for a moment.

Don't worry.  This is a guided tour.  We are going to stay on topic (for the most part).  And I will make this little cyber walk in the park as safe and confined as possible.  I couldn't let you run loose in my mind without boundaries and supervision.  I would surely lose most of you.  It's a weird place up there sometimes.  But it does have its moments of clarity.  Take this for example...

I used to sit around and wonder "what if".  You know the game.  You sit and wonder "What if I had purchased a lottery ticket?" Or, "What if I just asked for that girl's/guy's phone number?" Or even, "What if I had not eaten that entire peach cobbler?"  We all have those fleeting thoughts of "what if".  It's what makes us human.  We only live once in real life but we get to play the Blu-ray version of our lives over and over in our mind (complete with commentary).

The beauty of that is we get to change the outcome of any decisions we think should have or shouldn't have made.  We can even change the decision itself.  If we really think about it, we can even change the events that lead up to that decision.  So we have full control over what we want to think about when it comes to "what ifs".  Well, that really got me to thinking about things.  And I will pose this question to you (my readers) as well.

If you really could go back and change a decision you made, would you?  And even more so, what would you change?

I used to sit and think about going back an not hiding the fact that I was good at sports.  When I was younger, I never really played organized sports.  I did play 2 seasons of baseball.  I got a championship trophy and made all-stars one of the two season.  And the thing is that's the sport I was the WORST at.  I found out I was pretty good at basketball and even better than that at football.  Now, I originally couldn't play football because my mom wouldn't let me. (That's a whole 'nother story!)  But I never pressed the issue.  I just let a possible football career slip through my fingers.  If I had tried, there's a possibility I would be at the end of my career in the NFL or NBA right now and I could be RICH!  It's completely possible that I could have enjoyed a very successful career and would be retired or ready to retire by now.

I also used to think about what would have happened if I had pursued a career in acting.  I didn't appreciate acting when I was in elementary school playing Little Boy Blue in a school play.  I didn't even give acting a second glance when I was cast as Billy McCord in another elementary school musical.  (For those who don't know, Billy was the brother of Big Sam in the song "North to Alaska".  It was a riveting performance.  And I'm still wondering why I was snubbed in the awards.)

After that, I wasn't into anything acting-wise until I was in high school.  That's when I really took a liking to the stage.  I was in a several comedic productions. And I felt like I found my home there... especially with the improv stuff.  My friends and I would have a blast just getting in front of people and generally making a fool of ourselves.  But it was never sloppy.  Everything we did, was done with class... AND it was funny!  I enjoyed every single minute of the stage time I had in high school.

Then I went to college and I was planning on continuing the dream of becoming a world renowned actor.  But while I was in college I was told if I wanted to be in the play I would have to quit my job.  Well, I came from a poor background.  I needed that job to survive in college.  So that was my exit stage left... curtains close... no standing ovation.  After that I used to wonder, "What if I had stuck it out for one more play?"  Yeah, I tried a few smaller things while in college but it was never the same after that.  I let the dream die.  And so did the potential fame and fortune that came along with it.

I used to sit around and regret those 2 major decisions in my life.  I would beat myself up for adding the word "missed" to those opportunities I let fall to the wayside.  So, if you asked me right now, "If you could actually go back and make either one of those decisions over again, would you?"  My answer would be an easy and resounding...

"Nope."

I'm sure some of you are wondering why I wouldn't go back to take a shot at fortune and fame if I had the change.  And I don't blame you for it.  They were my dreams.  So, why wouldn't I go back for a chance at riches and celebrity status?  Well, I believe in the Butterfly Effect.  I believe I am at this very point and place in time because of EVERYTHING that has happened before it.  I believe if I were to go back and change even the smallest thing, nothing will be the same as it is now.  And the thing is, I LIKE where I am now and who I'm with.  If I were to go back and change anything I would never have met my beautiful wife.  And we wouldn't have these 3 adorable children.  And to me, that's not an acceptable risk.

My wife and I are struggling financially right now (like a lot of America) but I wouldn't trade any of it now or ever for the chance at my dreams past.  I mean, in my mind I think of it as, "Would I be willing trade my wife and kids for the life I could have had?"  And all I can say is that it's not worth it.  They ARE my acting career and sports superstar status all rolled into one.  I get to try all of my best comedy on them!  I get to watch them laugh.  I get to see the smiles on their faces.  When that happens I forget that there is even anyone else in the crowd.

I also get to be that sports icon.  I will play sports with my kids and they will think I'm the greatest football and basketball player in the world.  (My oldest is a gold medal winning gymnast.  So I'm not even going to act like I'm good at that sport.)  But I get to relive the Super Bowl, NBA Championship, NCAA Finals, National Championship AND the Professional Bowling Championship (ok, that one's a stretch) anytime I play with my kids.  People WITHOUT kids might think that's just being delusional.  People WITH kids know there is nothing else more real than that.

So I have decided to make sure I make more decisions NOW that won't be tied to a "what if" LATER in life.

Thanks for taking that weekend stroll with me.  I had a lot of fun and I hope you did too.  We must do this again one day.

Another Year Better

Today is my wife's birthday.  And I know that she hates that fact that she is one year older.  I, on the other hand, love it.  It means much more to me than the number that's attached to it.  My wife's birthday and our anniversary remind me of several things that don't have anything to do with her age.

My wife's birthday reminds me that I just spent another year with the most wonderful woman I could ever find.  Many people in life don't have that kind of blessing.  So I don't take that gift for granted.  And no matter what happens now, I have all of the great memories of the previous year that will last a lifetime.

My wife's birthday reminds me that each year we celebrate it, it becomes more special than the last.  I was talking to her the other night about how certain things in life lose their value the more you have.  No matter how much you love banana pudding (and I love banana pudding), you can only eat so much of it before it starts to lose it's magic.  Well... each year with my wife brings upon itself a new magic that doesn't diminish with age.

My wife's birthday also reminds me that love truly can grow with the passing of time.  The longer we are together, I have a better understand of who she is and what she stands for.  And knowing all of that make me love her even more.  I love her more now than I did a year ago because I know her better.

My wife's birthday reminds me that I'm getting a life-long lesson of what love really means.  Before her, I had a different definition of love and how it applies to me.  And each year I find that my definition changes.  It changes in my heart and in my mind.  And it's this constant changing that makes everything fresh and new but with better understanding and clarity.

So my wife's birthday means much more than her age.  And if I could, I would give her the world and everything in it on this special day.  As broke as we are, I couldn't even give her a globe or even a map of Wyoming for that matter.  But also knowing her like I do, I know she wouldn't want the world.   So I will give her something of more value.

Sweetie... For your birthday this year, I will give you a few promises that I will defend in the face of any and all opposition.  I promise that I will always be there for you.  That holds true even when I know I'm going to have to stand between you and our 4-year old little girl having a fit.  I promise that I will always give you everything I can even down to my last breath.  That is including but not limited to colds and flus.  (Some things can't be helped.) And above all, I promise to love you so much more than banana pudding (and my mother's Spaghetti) until my dying day.  And if those don't make the short list of the best birthday presents ever than I guess I just don't know what a birthday means.

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Que!  I love you!

Sometimes Life Just Gets in the Way

I just wanted to let my usual readers know that I have not stopped blogging (or reading everyone else's blog).  This past week we have received a bad case of the "lifes".  You know what I'm talking about.  You are walking down the street minding your own business and then out of the blue someone gets a case of the lifes.

This particular case of the lifes was call surgery.  My wife had surgery a few days ago.  I'm not going to get into the details but the whole ordeal has made me change my wife's name to "1-percenter".  The reason she is known as the 1-percenter is because the post surgery issues she is having happens to only 1 percent or less of the patients.

The surgery itself went fine.  But the recovery has been everything but fine.  We were told that there was the chance of 2 possible complications but each of them has a 1 percent or less chance of occurring.  So the odds of getting one are slim but the odds of getting BOTH probably have the same odds as getting struck by lightning... in a snowstorm... in a desert... in Australia... on the 29th of February.  (Maybe not that slim but pretty close.) But my wife won the lottery and got them both!

Of course there are other things going on in life that take your focus away from some of the things you like to do.  Sometimes good.  Sometimes bad.  But no matter what you are doing to occupy your time and keep your spirits up, watching someone you love suffer is a horrible experience.

I know others have it worse so I'm not complaining.  But I AM acknowledging the fact that when someone you love is hurting, you hurt too.  It can be as little as a paper-cut or a big as fighting a terminal illness.  You can't help but want to at least share the pain if it meant the person you love could have one moment without it.

I know my wife will be fine in a few days.  I have no worries.  But for a little tiny moment of selfishness... She really needs to stop hurting so that I will stop hurting too.

:-(

House FULL of Women!

When I was in elementary school, the thought the idea of a house full of women was just yucky!  When I got to high school, I began to realize that the idea had a LOT of merit.  When I got to college, it was the things that wishes and dreams were made of.  Now that I'm older (and live in a house full of women) the dream is MUCH different.  Be careful of what you wish for, you just might get it.... when you least expect it.... sometimes years later.... with strings attached.  This, in NO way, resembles what I had in mind in my college days.

I will always be outnumbered.  The "girls" have this unspoken union (though I think the 1-year old is TRYING to tell me but it just keeps coming out: DA, DA, DA. (need to brush up on my baby Morse Code)).  Of course, anytime I try to bring up this... theory, I'm met with hysterical laughter followed by a demand for me to fetch her shoes (and that's from the 3-year old!).  So something is not right!

This is a hidden, high-tech operation.  It is complete with spies and obvious modes of sabotage.  Enter the Stealthy Ninja Investigative Tween Childlike Human (or S.N.I.T.C.H for short).  The model we have is 10-years old (going on 11) and it hasn't lost a step!  She is designed to sneak up on the target (me) and report all findings to the "mother"ship.

Most of the time I'm doing something completely innocent (as ALL fathers do) and that's when she strikes.  So, I'm in the kitchen making myself a nice, healthy breakfast (most important meal of the day).  My breakfast is done and I turn around... and... BAM!!!  There she is asking, "Whatcha doin'?"  It's obvious what I'm doing.  I'm making a healthy breakfast to get my day started right (as ALL fathers do).  But she is asking in hopes I'm going to give away more information than I need to so her report will be complete.  Now, I've seen this trick before.  She going to leave it at that an act like that's all that's going to happen.  So I go and enjoy my breakfast and listen.... And there's the report: "Mommy, daddy's eating pizza for breakfast." or "Mommy, daddy's eating a hotdog for breakfast." or "Mommy, daddy's eating spaghetti (or chips, or candy, or some other healthy meal) for breakfast."  You get my point.  And even if she doesn't see "MOMMY" for a whole day... the report is as detailed as if just happened.  Half the time I don't remember doing the "crime" but I won't deny it when questioned.  If she said I did it, I probably did.

Then there's the "Better Recognize" Undersized Toddler Enforcer (or B.R.U.T.E.).  She's only 3 but, apparently, she's the muscle of the operation.  Her job is to make sure I don't get out of line.  I didn't know that's what her job was before but I have since figured it out.  I should have known by the way she laughs when I trip over, run into or drop something that I'm not supposed to.  Also, I find it odd that she only wants ME to read a book to her at night.  I originally thought she just loved me more than her mom.  But now I see the real genius behind the reading.  She only enjoys the book when I allow her to smash my hand between the pages or otherwise hurt myself during the course of the reading.  What in the world was I thinking?!?!?

And the last one is far more devious than the other 2.  Her code name is A.N.G.E.L. (I thought there was some cutie name behind it but there's not.  The name is meant to distract you from her real purpose).  But don't let that name fool you.  Her job is to make sure I wake up every 2 hours on MY night to cater to her needs.  She makes sure I am good and tired every other morning.  Because if I'm sleep deprived, I won't be able to concentrate on a plan to strike back.  But the true evil of the plan is that she does all of this and when you just can't take it anymore... She smiles.  It's like a Jedi Mind Trick!  There's no defense for it.  You just have to avoid it.  And if you don't... She gets what she wants.

Some of you are are doing the math right now then you are probably wondering why I left someone out.  My wife.  You really think I'm going to come up with some acronym to describe my wife.  What kind of fool do you take me for?!?!  You can't make a cute little sentence to describe a woman that is Special With Elegance, Ethics, Talent, Intelligence and Excellence.  That would just be wrong (plus it would get me absolutely nowhere)!  So I'm going to leave it at that.  I just hope the 10-year old doesn't read my blog because I can guarantee my wife will get the message that there is an update before I can finish this sentence.