Saturday, July 20, 2013

More From the Dad By Trade Archives

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!!  I'm posting more from the Dad By Trade Facebook Page.  I'm still working on the Google+ Page.  It's a little bit of a change.  Once all of that is taken care of I will have to post some new stories.  But until then, here is another post from the archives.

  1. I am 100% convinced that the Terrible 2s is a disease that affects the whole family. This is not something that needs to be taken lightly. I'm going to search for a charitable organization that is dedicated to the destruction of this evil menace to society. Wish me luck. My family's sanity might depend on it.
  2. The 2YO is REALLY taking this Terrible 2s thing to the max. And now she has added on the fact that she only wants MOMMY during these tantrums. At first I was a little bit upset. Then I thought... She's yelling, kicking, screaming, falling and hitting everything in sight AND she doesn't want to have anything to do with me during those times...
    Wish granted!!!Sorry, MOMMY! 
  3. 1.5 hr long movie with appropriate ages = 1.5 hrs.    1.5 hr long movie with a 2YO and 4YO... 4 hrs and 37 minutes.
  4. Fishing the bead out of my 2YO's nose this weekend felt like I was playing that old game OPERATION (complete with tweezers and sounds). Does anyone else remember that? She didn't cry so I must have won!
  5. After disappointing my 4YO when I told her we couldn't go down the wrong street so she could see some Christmas lights she asked, "Can I drive next time so we can go see the Christmas lights?" She was very convincing so I might just let her.
  6. Can someone remind me again why I'm doing this potty training thing while my wife is over 200 miles away? It looks like a carpet cleaning is in my future.
  7. In today's high-tech society, why can't we create a baby monitor that can filter out general whining and allow only legitimate crying through the speaker? There has to be software for that. And if not... there should be!
  8. Our house is much quieter when the kids are playing together. And by playing together I mean when the 5YO is bossing the 2YO around. The loudness comes when the 2YO has had enough. How dare she have independent thought.
  9. Me: Hey, Lyndi. What do you want for lunch today?

    Lyndi (The 6YO): Ummm... Pixie Dust.

    Is this some 6yo slang I need to worry about?
  10. My middle child is acting more and more like me every day. I will have to take some time to figure out how much of a blessing or curse this is.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Improve On Silence

I stopped writing for a while because I read a quote (from SOME famous dude who lived a long time ago) that I shouldn't speak unless it improves on silence.  I couldn't decide if that meant BLOGGING as well. Then months later I thought about it...  they didn't even HAVE blogging back then!  So, surely, he couldn't possibly be talking about blogs!  

I'm thinking of working on a few short posts.  But in the meantime I've decided to share a few posts I've made on my Dad By Trade Facebook page.  If you are a Member of my page then you might have seen some of them.  If not, then this is ALL NEW STUFF! (I'm also going to start working on my Dad By Trade Google + Page!)

  1. Almost 2 years old and trying to dance on tables. I think we need to have a talk.
  2. Can divorce papers be served on the grounds that your spouse ate your banana pudding?
  3. My 4-year old wanted to put me in timeout because I had to go to work today.
  4. My little one just threw a toy cooking pot at the dog and bopped him on the head. Now I'm torn as to what to do because she hit my wife's dog and not mine. And I don't even like that dog. Oh, the parenting decisions I have to make. 
  5. There really should be a place to leave 4-year olds and pick them back up when they are behaving correctly. My wife still refuses to let me put the kids back where they came from until they are done. A couple of them could use a little more time in the oven.
  6. My 2 little ones fight a lot. I get the feeling that at one point in my life they are going to ask me to pick sides. And since that is not right for a parent to pick sides between kids I'm going have them write an essay entitled, "What I Plan to Do With My Parents When They Get Old". I will let the essay choose the side for me.
  7. Words for today: When your kids repeat something you say, encourage them to choose their statements more wisely than yourself. When your kids repeat something your spouse says, encourage them to repeat it over and over again... especially in front of the grandparents!
  8. When kids are being kids it makes it a lot harder for adults to be adults.
  9. Our 4YO has decided to celebrate the 34 days of Halloween. For those who have never heard of this elusive holiday... She has started wearing her Halloween costume a full MONTH before the actual holiday. As soon as she gets home from preschool the clothes come off and the costume goes on. She even sleeps in the thing.
  10. I would like to apologize to the world. My 2YO just single-handedly finished off the ozone layer. That smell she just produced was military grade!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Wild Hair Wednesday

Do not look at this post if you don't want to see one of the most beautiful little girls in the world.

I totally warned you!
You didn't listen!
Now you have to be blessed with this image the rest of your life.

Just a pic from Wild Hair Wednesday.  Her mom did her hair so it doesn't have the flavor that Wild Hair Wednesday would have been had dad done her hair.  We will have to remember that next time.

Monday, March 18, 2013


Whether it's food, kids toys or general packaging...

If it says 'EASY TO OPEN'...

go ahead and bring the scissors or box cutter.

You can only fool yourself so many times before you really just need to stop trying to prove yourself and just admit defeat.  In this case, you can actually save yourself a LOT of time and (in MOST cases) pain just by telling yourself that 'EASY TO OPEN' message on the side of the item was simply a text message meant for someone else.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Lyndi and the Leprechaun

I have been dealing with something all week.  (And if the Mayas had been right this wouldn't be an issue.) I thought this concern was unique to me or this area, even.  But after reading another post I can see that this has spread WAY farther than I had ever imagined.  When did it become a thing to try to catch a leprechaun?!?!?  Sure, back in the day everyone wanted to catch a leprechaun to get his pot of gold.  But that was limited to days with a rainbows.  But NOW we have leprechaun 2.0.  He has upgraded in the last generation.

From what I can gather this new leprechaun is somewhat a mix between Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.  With his "Santa" skills, the leprechaun is able to sneak into your room and possibly leave a present.  I'm not really sure about that because my 7yo has been pretty vague as to what the "leprechaun actually does.

With his Tooth Fairy skills, the leprechaun takes stuff.  What does he take??? Again, I'm not sure.  (See the above paragraph for the vagueness of information I'm getting from my child.)  If I had to guess it would be money because every trap we set must have money in it for it to work.  This is a very odd turn of events.  If he has his own pot of gold, what does this little thiefprechaun need with my dollars?!?

Now, he is like the Easter Bunny because sometimes he... hides things... around the house.  What does he leave?  You know the answer to that.  WHO KNOWS???  It could be money (even though he's possibly taking money.  It could be presents, teeth, colored eggs, lottery tickets, store coupons or even new golf clubs (Oooo)!  I honestly have no idea.  It sounds like a complete surprise!  (This question mark actually has me intrigued.  I can imagine the possibilities.)

Another thing to this story... And probably the MOST important question of all of this...

What does she plan to do if/when she CATCHES the leprechaun?!?  Does she plan on taking his money?  Does she plan on forcing him to tell her how to get to his pot of gold?  Does she plan on bringing him out to the living room and playing 2-player Lego Batman all night? Does she plan on swapping green drink recipes?  Does she plan on keeping him as a pet (since mean old dad won't let her have one)?  The only thing she tells me she's going to to is to trick him.  My head hurts thinking of how THIS one could play out.  (As long as she doesn't wake me up in this process I'm fine.  I say that because one of her plans was to SCREAM really loud and as long as she can if she catches him.  I don't like that plan.  It was vetoed.)

Oh, well...  I guess I'm going to have to decide the course of the leprechaun by tonight.  We have been setting up traps for the past few days that have come up empty.  We were able to push this off until today, St. Patrick's Day.  But we can't push this out anymore.  The trap can NOT come up empty again.  This day is the day!  Something is going to happen.  And it's all going down TONIGHT!!!

OR I could just show her that movie from the early 90s about the leprechaun.  She will either be scared and not want to catch him at all OR she will see how horrible the movie was and want nothing to do with anything related to the movie.  Either way... no more leprechaun trap to deal with.