Thursday, March 31, 2011

My New Hybrid

I've decided to get me a chisel, an axe, a hamster and some saber-toothed tiger skins.  At first glance that sounds like an odd shopping list.  But after reading what I plan to do with it I'm sure I will have some of you won over.

I decided with the gas prices going through the roof I needed to make a change.  In order to weather this storm I am moving to a greater harmony with nature and my fellow man.  I'm getting a hybrid vehicle.  But this is not an ordinary hybrid vehicle.  (I don't do anything ordinary.)  As a matter of fact, I'm not even going to buy it.  I'm going to build it.  My family and I are going to live the life of the Flintstones.

I will search for a mighty stone. Red Rock in Australia...  Stonehenge....  One of the Great Pyramidinal (not a word but should be) stones.  How about one of the Rolling Stones? (they have a lot of miles on them but have a proven track record.)  I might even consider Sly and the Family Stone.  I COULD go for some reasonably sized rocks but if I'm going to be riding on stones I need to ride in style.

Next, I will search for a large tree.  I have a few kids to chauffeur around so I will need a bigger car than the Flintstones'.  So the tree I choose must be BIG!  I'm thinking a Coastal Redwood or a Giant Sequoia.  I might UNtie the yellow ribbon and use the old oak tree.  Is One Tree Hill available? (I know that's a hill and not a tree... I think.)  I haven't counted out the idea of "sprucing" up my ride with a little "fir" seat covers.  That would be a real tree-t!

Now for the hamster...  Well, I can't use my feet to run the vehicle the WHOLE time.  I need break every now and then.  That's where the genius of making this car a hybrid comes in. (Plus I get a tax break if I consider the car a "hybrid".  See... I AM smart sometimes!)  Who needs Horsepower when you have Double-H power (Human/Hamster).  And if I need to add a turbo to the vehicle I will just let the Hamster have some Red Bull.

Ok... the saber-toothed tiger skins are going to be a tough one to come across.  I might have to watch Ice Age a few times to get a good feel on where to find one of those.  But I really shouldn't just limit myself to saber-toothed tigers, though.  I'm sure a saber-toothed deer or a saber-toothed rabbit or a saber-toothed water buffalo skin should do just as fine.  Ooooo.... a saber-toothed panda skin.... I'm liking that.  (Even though these are fictitious animals, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get some email from Peta.)

I'm not sure how to convert my new vehicle to Miles Per Gallon (or Kilometers Per Liter) but I think it's going to be pretty good!  The real test, though,  is going to be if I can get my 12YO to let me drop her off at school or gymnastics in daddy's new car.  I personally think she is going to love it.  Call me the optimist.  (I might be a little delusional on that one but I will take it.  As long as I'm not delusional about the fact that my daughter(s) is not going to have a boyfriend until she's(they are) 30.  There will be no BAM BAM with my little Pebbles.  Just let me have one delusion... please.)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

4 Minutes Left

This is a really short post. It's designed to get you in and out and back to your day. :-)

Last night I was reading the nightly bedtime stories to the 2 little ones.  (For some reason the oldest thinks she is too old for that since she's in Middle School... whatever!)  As I'm get to one of the pages I was promptly told by my middle child that "we are almost done.  We only have 4 minutes left."


"Why do we only have 4 minutes left?", I asked.

She didn't answer but she got up and went to her favorite clock (a little silly Puss in Boots clock she got from McDonalds where you open the mouth and the clock is inside).  She picked up the clock and said, "4 minutes left."  I looked at the clock and it didn't have anything to do with "4 minutes".

At this point I think she is just stalling and doesn't want to go to bed.  So I *ahem* encourage her to sit down so we can finish the book and she can go to bed.  (Really, it was so we can finish the book and we BOTH can go to bed!)  I pick up the book and she pointed and said, "See, 4 minutes left!"

The answer was right below the line in the book that says, "We love him, because he first loved us."
It said, "1 John 4:19"

She was correct once again!  We only had 4 minutes and 19 seconds left of the book.  John told us so.  I once was blind, now I see.

Another quick set of statements that have ZERO to do with the above post.

In the United States, there are only a few ways to show your kids you have a cut on the knuckle of your middle finger without saying something very inappropriate.  And if you aren't thinking before you do it...  I promise (from experience) you kids will recover just fine.

(If you are unsure what the problem is, just try it in the mirror and you will see what I mean.)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Your Presence is Requested

Hello, everyone.  It's your long, lost blogger friend coming at you live from a remote beach on an even more tropical island paradise.  I'm not going to say which one, though.  It could be Hawaii.  It could be the Virgin Islands.  It might even be on the island of Wyomingda.  My wife and I are enjoying the warm sun, sandy beaches and the fact that we left the kids hundreds of miles away.  The 12YO can take care of the two little ones.  She's very mature for her age.  Plus we are already here.  What do you want me to do about that now?!?  Excuse me while I order another drink.

(What you have just witnessed was NOT real.  It was just a test of the One Day I Will Do This Emergency Blog Intro.  In the event of an actual tropical visit, you can almost 100% guarantee that you would not see anything from me during the trip except some random Tweets or Facebook Status Updates like: "Hey, this island has BIG coconuts!" or "I promise those last 3 pics were NOT inspired by Margaritaville.  OK... they really were.  Make that the last 37 pics." or even "Note to self: Make sure to sit out of arms reach or better yet throwing distance when going to a tropical island with your wife.  I love you, honey! You're the best wife in the world!  :-)" )

The reality of all of this is that there hasn't been ANY time for writing.  Over the last month or so the Que family was hit with some very serious medical news.  I probably won't get into it much in my blog but you never, EVER expect to hear that kind of news. But we are pushing forward.  More recent news has been much better than the previous 3 - 4 weeks.  So we are a lot more optimistic and positive.  Plus, I have a wonderful wife and 3 lovely children.  It's hard to stay negative long with they are around.  But when people are hit with really powerful news they handle it differently.  I would imagine that a REAL writer would want to write about it.  It helps the mind when the pen in moving.  (I would have said when the keys are clicking but it doesn't sound as poetic.)  But I'm not a REAL writer.  So, I didn't want any pens to move (or keys clicking). But that definitely contributed to a little bit of blogging silence.

Another reason for silence is that I'm working about 87+ hours a week (when you add commute time).  I work 2 full-time jobs.  I also work 7 days a week.  There is even a 60hr stretch in there where I only get 8hrs of sleep... total.  I don't tell that for any awards or medals.  (Banana pudding would be nice though!) I do what any husband/father (any not EVERY, mind you) would do in my situation.  I just told that to let you know that I'm working with a few minor time constraints right now.  Because when I do have some free time my wife and kids want some attention.  (The nerve!)

It's not all as bad as it sounds, though.  The bills are getting paid.  We are finally moving forward financially.  Not a lot of families can say that in the economy right now.  Another thing a lot of people can't say is that I like BOTH of my jobs.  Actually, I LOVE one of them and I REALLY like the other.  But I'm not going to post which is which.  I will let each job feel like I love them the most. :)  It's kinda like how I am with my kids! (My wife is not going to like THAT joke.)

But I did find out some great news at one of my jobs, though.  I found out that if I ever needed a bladder transplant (if they even do that) there is a donor right there!!! I didn't do a complete scientific, medical analysis or anything.  But I would beg to say that our bladders have exactly the same size, shape and spongitude (absorbency) because we met each other in the bathroom at least 5 times in one day.  And I know most of you are thinking "5 times???"  Why in the bathroom so much?  But I have been drinking a lot of water lately.  I'm back on my getting to my target weight thing again. (Watching The Biggest Loser does that to me.)  The good news is that I'm finally (due to an ill-conceived stomach virus (get it??? ILL-conceived... stomach virus... whatever)) down to my last 10lbs.  So the weight loss thing is back in order.  Now I just need to find an easy way to get my co-worker's driver's license to see if he's an organ donor.  I would ask him but that would be an odd, out-of-the-blue question to ask someone you have only seen but have never talked to.  I'm sure he would find that a little suspicious.

Well, I have to go now.  I hope that when this is all over, I will still have my 3 readers.  And maybe I will find a time in the near future to catch up on reading some of writings of my favorite bloggers.  You all know who you are and you know I haven't commented in a while.  Sorry.  Just remember YOU are my favorite blogger.  And I'm not just saying you're my favorite.  It's not like you are my jobs or my kids. (Best Wife EVER!) :-)