Thursday, March 31, 2011

My New Hybrid

I've decided to get me a chisel, an axe, a hamster and some saber-toothed tiger skins.  At first glance that sounds like an odd shopping list.  But after reading what I plan to do with it I'm sure I will have some of you won over.

I decided with the gas prices going through the roof I needed to make a change.  In order to weather this storm I am moving to a greater harmony with nature and my fellow man.  I'm getting a hybrid vehicle.  But this is not an ordinary hybrid vehicle.  (I don't do anything ordinary.)  As a matter of fact, I'm not even going to buy it.  I'm going to build it.  My family and I are going to live the life of the Flintstones.

I will search for a mighty stone. Red Rock in Australia...  Stonehenge....  One of the Great Pyramidinal (not a word but should be) stones.  How about one of the Rolling Stones? (they have a lot of miles on them but have a proven track record.)  I might even consider Sly and the Family Stone.  I COULD go for some reasonably sized rocks but if I'm going to be riding on stones I need to ride in style.

Next, I will search for a large tree.  I have a few kids to chauffeur around so I will need a bigger car than the Flintstones'.  So the tree I choose must be BIG!  I'm thinking a Coastal Redwood or a Giant Sequoia.  I might UNtie the yellow ribbon and use the old oak tree.  Is One Tree Hill available? (I know that's a hill and not a tree... I think.)  I haven't counted out the idea of "sprucing" up my ride with a little "fir" seat covers.  That would be a real tree-t!

Now for the hamster...  Well, I can't use my feet to run the vehicle the WHOLE time.  I need break every now and then.  That's where the genius of making this car a hybrid comes in. (Plus I get a tax break if I consider the car a "hybrid".  See... I AM smart sometimes!)  Who needs Horsepower when you have Double-H power (Human/Hamster).  And if I need to add a turbo to the vehicle I will just let the Hamster have some Red Bull.

Ok... the saber-toothed tiger skins are going to be a tough one to come across.  I might have to watch Ice Age a few times to get a good feel on where to find one of those.  But I really shouldn't just limit myself to saber-toothed tigers, though.  I'm sure a saber-toothed deer or a saber-toothed rabbit or a saber-toothed water buffalo skin should do just as fine.  Ooooo.... a saber-toothed panda skin.... I'm liking that.  (Even though these are fictitious animals, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get some email from Peta.)

I'm not sure how to convert my new vehicle to Miles Per Gallon (or Kilometers Per Liter) but I think it's going to be pretty good!  The real test, though,  is going to be if I can get my 12YO to let me drop her off at school or gymnastics in daddy's new car.  I personally think she is going to love it.  Call me the optimist.  (I might be a little delusional on that one but I will take it.  As long as I'm not delusional about the fact that my daughter(s) is not going to have a boyfriend until she's(they are) 30.  There will be no BAM BAM with my little Pebbles.  Just let me have one delusion... please.)