Google+

Pages

Saturday, April 2, 2011

A Very Real Tale of Paranormal Activity

Our house is haunted.  That's a tough one for me to admit.  I used to consider myself one who does not believe in such things.  But alas... I have been awakened.  You can only deny such things for so long before the very thought of them etches a groove so deeply into reality that, in spite of itself, reality gives way to its existence.

At first it was easy to cast aside the evidence of the paranormal within our domain. Denial makes lovely pillow talk.  And no matter how blatant the display, my mind always had a way of explaining away the truth.  Call it a stain on the human soul or an ingenious coping mechanism designed to suppress the fear of the unknown trapped underneath the bed of our childhood dreams.

I lived happily for years with my eyes straight ahead knowing that thoughts like these live, breath and grow in the peripherals of ones mind.  But in my home, I'm having to take extra glances and second looks at things I would normally pass off to circumstance or natural occurrence.  Personally, I would still turn a blind eye to the situation but there is more a stake than in the past.

Before, it was just me.  But the interest rate on ignorance keeps rising so the monthly payment is WAY too steep at this point.  Right now, I seem to be the only one paying the cost but I don't know how long this force will stay focused just on me.  So I must do something before it affects my wife... or my... my children.  They must be protected at all costs.  Deferring is not an option.

The sad part of all of this is that I still have trouble defining that which is mocking me.  It's one thing to give it validation.  It's another thing to give it classification.  When I add the physical dilemma it's placing me in to the mental and emotional draining it's causing me, I feel that life is asking a lot of me right now to get this straightened out.  And though I'm glad this is the case (considering the alternative), I just can't figure out why I'm the target.  Why me?  Why this?  Why now?  I have a million whys but asking myself only leads to more whys.  So I will make one last attempt to ask the source of unexplained phenomenon.

Mr. Closet Monster... Why do you feel the need to take my wife's clothes from her closet and put them into mine?  When we bought the house we had clearly defined HIS and HERS closets.  With all of your pranks and reorganizing you have managed to make these closets HERS and HERS/HIS.  That's just not right!

Even your persistence amazes me.  I can undo everything you have done only to find that you will change it back over time.  It's almost like you have found a way to breed clothing.  If you put more than two articles of clothing in there on day one there are 5 in there on day two.  Under normal circumstances this would be a welcomed trick, but this is more disturbing than entertaining.  Every week you find a way to whittle MY portion of MY own closet down to nothing.  I know I don't have a lot of clothes but that empty space is still mine (in theory).

And look at what you are doing to my poor wife.  I'm sure she is outraged that she has to walk ALL THE WAY over to the other side of the bathroom just to get to the rest of her clothes... in MY closet.  She is probably more upset than I am about this.  Or even worse, she probably thinks I'm borrowing her clothes.  (That's a whole different blog.) Because I know she doesn't believe in you Mr. Closet Monster.  Not yet, anyway.

I want to bring this to her attention but I don't want to alarm her.  She doesn't deserve this.  You have picked me and I want it to stay that way.  And even though I'm starting to find kids items in my closet as well, I KNOW you don't plan on bringing them into this.  That would be taking things too far... even for you.  I have to feel that some things are still sacred in this world.  But your actions are causing me to question that belief and understanding of life.  I hope you are satisfied.

16 comments:

  1. LOL! We have a closet "ghostie" here too. He doesn't bother with the closet I share with my hubby. Nope, he likes the kids closets. He takes the clothes that they carefully hang up and throws them on the ground. Sometimes, he'll even be sneaky enough to take the clean clothes and stuff them in between the bed and the wall.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @SandyAnnDee - Now I'm really getting scared. I didn't connect the dots. Our "visitor" has been doing other things without me knowing. Thanks for opening my eyes even more. You are a life saver!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You need to talk to Mr. MOTH. He has dealt with this monster before. His solution is really top-secret. It's called *a combination lock* and he hid the combination where that tricky, uh, monster can't find it. I'm, er, I mean HE'S still looking, though. (*grins*).

    Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @The Mommy - I like that plan. Would it be too much if, in addition to that, I gave the Closet Monster a formal eviction notice as well? Hmmm....

    ReplyDelete
  5. You hang your clothes up by yourself, in your own closet?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think it is cousin to the dryer monster, you know, the one that eats socks? He lives at my house with the under the bed eats clothes and toys monster and the stuff it behind the door because surely mom won't notice monster who lives in my boys rooms.

    ReplyDelete
  7. @mommeeof10 - Hang my clothes up by myself? Ok, let's not get silly.

    @Oneal Family - Dryer monster??? This situation is worse than I thought. I must re-evaluate my plan.

    ReplyDelete
  8. BWHAHAHAHA we have a horder!!!!!! it lives in our fridge, I fought it again yesterday and now it is all purged again.
    the monster in our closet has not taken things from Mikes side to mine but it has mixed up the long sleeve and short again and has moved pants to a section they dont live in and we really dont want to address the sock monster who lives inthe dryer... EVIL... pure Evil....
    If you find a workable solution ... please share cause suddenly I am finding GRANDKID clothing living on top of my dresser and file cabinet and BOTH kids have their own FULL size closets!
    HELP! OH HELP!

    ReplyDelete
  9. @Laura~peach~ - I have a solution but I'm completely afraid of angering the Closet Monster. Maybe I should start with the Dryer Monster and work my way up.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh, wait. That's a monster? We were under the impression that an armed intruder entered the home, dried the formal dress in the drier, returned winter outerwear to the last place we went, ate all the pretzels, left our valuables untouched and left without tripping the security system.

    SOG stops by once a week.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think it might be related to the one who lives in my wife's closet. Our one makes it so that though the closet is full to bursting, there is NOT ONE THING that fits or is appropriate for any occasion that needs getting dressed for - thus FORCING my wife to buy something new. It also hides her shoes, for the same reason. I think it is possible our ghost is sponsored by Marks and Spencers.

    Mind you - it's not as bad as the one that keeps raiding the biscuit barrel and accidentally leaving the TV tuned into 'wrong' channels for my wife to discover the next day - I've called in a Priest to investigate, ahem...

    ReplyDelete
  12. @Maggie S. - I like the way your "monster" thinks. If I can't wash and dry it myself, I don't needed. I laugh at formal dresses!

    @Glen - Oh, yeah. We have that monster too. Our monster is better with the TV though! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. LOL Great post! Many years ago we were adding an addition on to our house--which entailed creating two new bedrooms and sacrificing my walk in closet (sniff!). My husband had sketched out the new master bedroom than had one closet less than half the size of the old one (which only I used). I asked him to consider the negative effect that might have on our marriage. He found space for another closet--smart guy :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Victoria KP - He wasn't smart to cut the size of the closet but he was very wise to put it back! :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh! You just HAD to go there, did you? I'm glad Jeremy's in bed right now. I don't think I'll read him this post. He's fighting with his own Closet Monster right now, and I'm afraid this raw and uncensored post might put his delicately balanced sanity right over the top.

    ReplyDelete
  16. @Missy - Oh, yes! I definitely went there. Our Closet Monster is the ruthless/take no prisoners kinda monster and needs to be called out whenever necessary. I think I just need to get Jeremy's email address. We need to work out some ways to trap this creature and release it back into the wild.

    ReplyDelete