Be Careful What You Wish For (Wyoming , Part 2 - The final Chapter)

Well, it finally happened!  Wyoming has entered the building!  It took 5 days but I will take the blame for that one.  Apparently, I wasn't yelling loudly enough.  Thank you, Wyoming!  You don't know what this small gesture on a LARGE scale means to me.

Personally, I was beginning to lose faith.  My belief in my fellow man was starting to waiver.  It even made me go through the 5 Stages of Grief.

Day 1 - Denial - Surely SOMEONE from Wyoming has click on my site.  My blogger statistics MUST be wrong.  I mean, it says I have all 50 states... Oh, crap... 49 states + DC.   But that just doesn't make sense.  Maybe, Wyoming is not even a state and I'm just worrying for nothing.  Ha! That's what it is.  Oh, man... that feels SOOO much better.

Day 2 - Anger - Google needs to get this mess fixed!  They SAY Wyoming is a state but on my people-who-have-clicked-on-my-site map there's a blank spot where Wyoming should be.  Every OTHER state is shaded green. Why not Wyoming!?!?

Day 3 - Bargaining - If you read part 1, you witnessed the bargaining.

Day 4 - Depression - No one from Wyoming loves me.  They are ignoring me as if I'M the one who doesn't exist.  I just don't now how I will go on knowing they are there but they won't... just... click on my site.  Help me, help you. (I tried a Jerry Maguire quote to Wyoming before and it didn't work.  So I decided to try another.)

Day 5 - Acceptance - Fine.  I don't need you to complete me. (But I did...)

I was beginning to wonder if the state did, in fact, exist.  I kept hearing stories of people who know someone who knows someone that might have been friends with someone who went to college with someone who lives in Wyoming.   It was like the 7 degrees of Wyoming!

But on the Great 5th day of my obsession, Wyoming made itself known.  With a single click of the mouse, someone poked their head out of their hiding place, saw their shadow and declared there would be 6 more weeks of Summer.  Wait... sorry.... WRONG STORY!

But you have to be careful what you wish for.  Now that someone has clicked on the site.  The Obsession is gone!  I mean, sure I'm glad they did.  But something is different now.  During those 5 days, I was checking EVERY SINGLE TIME someone visited my site to see if they were from Wyoming.  Now I don't check any more. :(

I'm sure my friends are happy.  Because now I have more time to hang out and do NOTHING with them.  I'm sure my boss is happy because I might actually get some work done with all of this free time.  My kids must be happy because now daddy can play with them instead of pushing them back by the forehead and telling them to stay away from daddy's computer or face the consequences.  I guess my wife is happy now because I had become so obsessed that I couldn't even... well... I'm just going to say that my wife is happier now and leave it at that.

But it is over now and I must move on with my life the best way I can.  I will probably pick up a new obsession.  Who knows?  But before I lay this to rest I wanted to say that I figured out a few things with this experience.  There are some things the internet doesn't tell you about Wyoming.  Here is what I found out.

• If you ever have to go into the witness protection program, they are probably going to send you to Wyoming. There is very little contact from outside world.  Also, the odds of anyone recognizing you are very slim.  And if someone finds you in that state, you deserve to be caught.
• If there is ever World War 3 and the missiles start flying all over the place... head to Wyoming.  I'm sure there is not a SINGLE missile pointed in their direction.  I'm almost sure no other country besides us know they even exist.  (Much more secure than NORAD!)
• I was watching the movie Zombieland and realized that if there was ever a zombie invasion or biological communicable disease that simulates zombie-itis then Wyoming is the BEST place to be!  There's only a few people there, so they would be easy to avoid.  Also, I would imagine the zombies are going to where the "food" is so Wyoming wouldn't even be on the menu for years.  There would be plenty of time for Woody Harrelson, Will Smith or Milla Jovovich to find the cure and save the world before it ever reaches you.  (This also goes for vampires.  You have less time than with zombies but I'm pretty sure you will be safe.)
• And lastly... This state is PRIMED for a supper massive game of Hide and Go Seek!  You could literally hide for years without anyone finding you.  Make sure you pack a lunch (a few of them actually).  

I guess that's it folks.  Though it only lasted 5 days, it is still a completed goal that I can mark OFF of my bucket list.  I'm gonna miss you Wyoming.  Our paths might not ever cross again (except in the case of a zombie attack, World War 3 or a serious game of Hide and Seek that I absolutely plan to win), but I will always remember the good times.  I even kept a picture of you for everyone to remember you by.

Before:

It was like someone took the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle and hid it...
in Wyoming.

After:

Ahh... The completeness!
DISCLAIMER: No Photoshop was used to complete this goal.

My Newest Obsession

So I have a new obsession.  (I know my wife is like, "What is it now?!?" - In my defense, those Tickle Me Elmos will NEVER go out of style. You can take that one to the BANK!)  I was looking through the stats of some of my readers because I like to know which states are diggin' my vibe. (No one says that phrase any more for some reason.  But I like it.) Of course, Tennessee is really just destroying the other states because we ROCK!  (Or it could be because I live here and most of my friends live here.  Another reason could be because it doesn't distinguish between my actual readers and how many time I click on my OWN site.  That's probably half of it right there.) There are 4 more states with honorable mentions: #2 - Indiana, #3 - Illinois, #4 - Cali, and #5 - Texas.  (GO COWBOYS!)  You guys rock, but just a little less than the big TN right now.  There's still time, though.

So here is where my newest obsession comes in.  I started looking at numbers and something jumped out at me.  Even though I am not very popular in the blogging world (or any other world for that matter), I have readers all across the country.  Some states only have 2 visitors but I count them too. (West Virginia, South Dakota and Delaware - You guys pebble!)  I should be proud to say that I'm at least interesting enough that at least 1 person from every state has checked out my site. But I can't make that claim.  There is 1 state that is forcing me to add a * any time I want to say that every state in the entire USA* (see what I mean) has registered at least 1 viewer on my site.  And that state is... [drum roll please]... freaking WYOMING!

Image via Wikipedia

Now... I could take the low road and say some really offensive things about Wyoming right now but what's the point.  No one there would even see it.  It would be like a tree falling in the forest with no one around. (In case you were wondering... it DOES make a sound.)  I went all the way back to when I started regularly writing this blog and not a single mouse-click from Wyoming.  That means not only am I not interesting enough to have at least 1 fan from there, but also that no one in the state has even ACCIDENTALLY clicked on my site... nothing!

So I could take this minor inconvenience as what it is and just walk away.  I could walk away knowing that I have readers in other countries around the world like: Hong Kong, Norway, Nepal (Really? Nepal), Iran (Wait, how did that get there?!?) and Romania.  (I do realize that those countries probably hit my site on accident but I'm counting them too!) But I'm not like that.  I'm not happy just walking away and leaving 1 state untouched.  This really bugs me!

So I'm going to challenge myself.  You hear that, Wyoming?!?!  I may not be on YOUR radar but you are on MINE!  I'm going to challenge myself to find just one person in the state of Wyoming to click on my site.  (Preferably on purpose but I'm not discriminating!)  All I'm asking for is just ONE click.  It's going to be a little tough because I don't know anyone from Wyoming.  I'm not even sure if I have ever met anyone from there.  But that's why this is a challenge.

Now the hard part is how to break the proverbial ice with the whole state.

Maybe I should talk nicely to it: Hello, Wyoming!  How's everything going?  Even though you have the smallest population of any of the United States (about a third of the population of Metro Nashville) you are still big to us (the 10th largest state in the union).  We really should hang out sometime.

Maybe I should apologize to it: I'm sorry, Wyoming.  I haven't been such a great friend.  When we plan family vacations, we don't even think of you.  And that is my fault.  I mean you have Yellowstone National Park out there.  So we will have to make at least 1 trip out there to see Old Faithful AND Yogi Bear.  What was that, Wyoming?  What did you say?  Ohhhh.... Yogi lives in JELLYstone and not YELLOWstone.  Who knew? Well, I won't let that small (large) oversight keep me from visiting.  We really don't have a great past (or any past) together.  And I promise to change that going forward.

A Jackalope in all of its glory!

Maybe I should offer it a gift: Wyoming... I would like to give you a Theme Park or some other interesting tourist attraction.  I do understand that you have the Jackalope Territory.  And that is a MUST SEE for any would-be tourist. (I'm serious about that one.  I really would like to see some Jackalopes.)  But I don't think it has the same affect as a Disney World or a Six Flags over Cheyenne.  Not that you really want all of those visitors to you state, but try it on for size and let me know how you like it.  Truth be told, I wouldn't really be too upset if we had to go back to the Jackalopes.  Just sayin'.

Maybe I should offer it a strong beverage, witty banter and suggest an inappropriate relationship between a person and a state: Here's to you, Wyoming. This one's on me. Now, let's cut the crap!  You need me and I need you.  Let's do dis thang!  We could go the friend route but you and I BOTH know that would leave us wanting more.  And I'm just not ready to give up on you.  I would rather live in YOUR world than to live without you in MINE.  You complete me.

And if NONE of that works, I'm going to resort to bribery.  Now, my wife and I don't have any money.  And even if we did, I'm not sure she would let me do much with it after the whole Tickle Me Elmo thing.  (Sorry, Honey.)  But I will definitely not let my first Wyomingan go away empty handed.  This quest has monumental written all over it.  So there will definitely be a prize in for you.  There MUST be a prize.  Even if the prize is just getting an 8x10 photo of me doing this:

Yeah... Unfortunately, that's really me.
But the 8x10 is stunning! 

And even if that picture of me is not enough (I can't imagine that it wouldn't be), you will help me do something even more important.  You will be the first (and probably only) fan that I have in the entire state.  You will help me remove that dreaded * from the USA.  You will help me reunite this great nation in a way that it hasn't seen in years (dare I say centuries)!

And when the skeptics and Naysayers pipe up ask, "Wyoming???" (Because you know they will!) I will proudly stand up, put my hand over my heart and respond with a statement that will be quoted for ages, "Wy(not)oming?!?"  Because, that's how much you mean to me.