Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Be Careful What You Wish For (Wyoming , Part 2 - The final Chapter)

Well, it finally happened!  Wyoming has entered the building!  It took 5 days but I will take the blame for that one.  Apparently, I wasn't yelling loudly enough.  Thank you, Wyoming!  You don't know what this small gesture on a LARGE scale means to me.

Personally, I was beginning to lose faith.  My belief in my fellow man was starting to waiver.  It even made me go through the 5 Stages of Grief.

Day 1 - Denial - Surely SOMEONE from Wyoming has click on my site.  My blogger statistics MUST be wrong.  I mean, it says I have all 50 states... Oh, crap... 49 states + DC.   But that just doesn't make sense.  Maybe, Wyoming is not even a state and I'm just worrying for nothing.  Ha! That's what it is.  Oh, man... that feels SOOO much better.

Day 2 - Anger - Google needs to get this mess fixed!  They SAY Wyoming is a state but on my people-who-have-clicked-on-my-site map there's a blank spot where Wyoming should be.  Every OTHER state is shaded green. Why not Wyoming!?!?

Day 3 - Bargaining - If you read part 1, you witnessed the bargaining.

Day 4 - Depression - No one from Wyoming loves me.  They are ignoring me as if I'M the one who doesn't exist.  I just don't now how I will go on knowing they are there but they won't... just... click on my site.  Help me, help you. (I tried a Jerry Maguire quote to Wyoming before and it didn't work.  So I decided to try another.)

Day 5 - Acceptance - Fine.  I don't need you to complete me. (But I did...)

I was beginning to wonder if the state did, in fact, exist.  I kept hearing stories of people who know someone who knows someone that might have been friends with someone who went to college with someone who lives in Wyoming.   It was like the 7 degrees of Wyoming!

But on the Great 5th day of my obsession, Wyoming made itself known.  With a single click of the mouse, someone poked their head out of their hiding place, saw their shadow and declared there would be 6 more weeks of Summer.  Wait... sorry.... WRONG STORY!

But you have to be careful what you wish for.  Now that someone has clicked on the site.  The Obsession is gone!  I mean, sure I'm glad they did.  But something is different now.  During those 5 days, I was checking EVERY SINGLE TIME someone visited my site to see if they were from Wyoming.  Now I don't check any more. :(

I'm sure my friends are happy.  Because now I have more time to hang out and do NOTHING with them.  I'm sure my boss is happy because I might actually get some work done with all of this free time.  My kids must be happy because now daddy can play with them instead of pushing them back by the forehead and telling them to stay away from daddy's computer or face the consequences.  I guess my wife is happy now because I had become so obsessed that I couldn't even... well... I'm just going to say that my wife is happier now and leave it at that.

But it is over now and I must move on with my life the best way I can.  I will probably pick up a new obsession.  Who knows?  But before I lay this to rest I wanted to say that I figured out a few things with this experience.  There are some things the internet doesn't tell you about Wyoming.  Here is what I found out.

  • If you ever have to go into the witness protection program, they are probably going to send you to Wyoming. There is very little contact from outside world.  Also, the odds of anyone recognizing you are very slim.  And if someone finds you in that state, you deserve to be caught.
  • If there is ever World War 3 and the missiles start flying all over the place... head to Wyoming.  I'm sure there is not a SINGLE missile pointed in their direction.  I'm almost sure no other country besides us know they even exist.  (Much more secure than NORAD!)
  • I was watching the movie Zombieland and realized that if there was ever a zombie invasion or biological communicable disease that simulates zombie-itis then Wyoming is the BEST place to be!  There's only a few people there, so they would be easy to avoid.  Also, I would imagine the zombies are going to where the "food" is so Wyoming wouldn't even be on the menu for years.  There would be plenty of time for Woody Harrelson, Will Smith or Milla Jovovich to find the cure and save the world before it ever reaches you.  (This also goes for vampires.  You have less time than with zombies but I'm pretty sure you will be safe.)
  • And lastly... This state is PRIMED for a supper massive game of Hide and Go Seek!  You could literally hide for years without anyone finding you.  Make sure you pack a lunch (a few of them actually).  

I guess that's it folks.  Though it only lasted 5 days, it is still a completed goal that I can mark OFF of my bucket list.  I'm gonna miss you Wyoming.  Our paths might not ever cross again (except in the case of a zombie attack, World War 3 or a serious game of Hide and Seek that I absolutely plan to win), but I will always remember the good times.  I even kept a picture of you for everyone to remember you by.

It was like someone took the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle and hid it...
in Wyoming.

Ahh... The completeness!
DISCLAIMER: No Photoshop was used to complete this goal.