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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Missing an Old Friend

I'm sorry, old friend.  It has been a long time since I have spoken to you.  I wish I could make a promise to you that this will be the last time we go so long without communicating.  But I cannot.  Life has directed a different path for our relationship. Sometimes things are just beyond our control.

I occasionally see you.  There are even times I walk by you.  But instead of speaking I hold my head in shame.  I feel shameful for the way I treated you and the way things ended.  I truly want to speak to you when we pass but I can't think of the words.  I want to let you know that you are in my thoughts but that's where the words stay... in my thoughts.

We used to take long walks together... now there's nothing.  I know you want to go out just one more time for old time's sake.  But that would just be torture.  I cannot grant that wish.... not even for a second.  One second with you would only make me want for another second and then another... and then another.  Even  one tiny second would be too many... and a million seconds wouldn't be enough.  So it's probably best that we leave things alone and just move forward.

I say that knowing that as time passes my memory of us will only grow stronger.  It will be harder and harder to ignore your existence.  And why would I want to?  We had great times together.  You didn't always make me smile but you always made me happy.  That quality is very hard to find.  I truly miss our relationship.

When we were together it was always a sunny day.  And if we weren't taking long walks we would ride with the top down. We would just ride and ride.  It's funny...  With you, I was always able to see the beauty in nature... the grass... the trees... especially, the trees.  Plenty of trees but, oddly... few birds.  Who knew?

But even with all of the joy I always knew this would eventually come to an end.  I'm not sure how I knew but I knew.  You don't have as much fun as we had and expect a never ending river of euphoria.  All good things must come to an end.  So I will try to accept the way things are and live in the wonderful memory of how things were.

Maybe things will change down the road.  And if they do I will be ready to continue as if nothing ever happened.  I only hope you will be as forgiving.  Because the last thing I need is to have you upset with me after all of this time.  My golf game is bad enough without having a set of angry clubs as well. For what it's worth, you will always be my favorite golf clubs... no matter what.

Make sure you read this as well as other submissions for Fatherhood Friday on Dad-Blogs.