Monday, May 31, 2010

A Day to Remember

Memorial Day is a day of remembrance of U.S. soldiers that have fallen in the line of duty. I could have said this:

Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May (May 31 in 2010). Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates U.S. soldiers who died while in the military service.

But I didn't because then you would have known I ripped it from Wikipedia.  So I put it in my own words to avoid accusations of Wiki-rippage.  But no matter who's writing the definition, the meaning is an important one. I don't want to take anything away from the importance of this day, but there are a few other things I would like to remember on this day next year.  And since my memory is not what it used to be, I'm going to write myself a note and hope I remember to read my note to remind me to remember these things next year's day of remembrance.

I would like for my 2011 Memorial Day self to remember these things.

1. You are getting old.  Acceptance of that sentence will mean to world to you.  It doesn't mean you have one foot in the grave but it DOES means your teens and 20s are long gone.  So even though you think like a teen, it doesn't mean you won't have major consequences for acting like one.  Memorial Day happens right before your birthday every year.  So please let this remind you that your physical age and mental age need to come to terms and learn to work things out or things could really get messy (See #2).

2. You cannot eat everything in sight and bounce back like you did when you were in your teens and twenties.  Your mind is going to try to trick you but your BODY will know better.  This time... listen to your body.  It knows the truth about how things are gonna be if you try to eat 1 hamburger, 1 hotdog, 2 porkchops, 2 more hotdogs, potato chips (Pringles), baked beans, potato salad.  All of that washed down with a couple of glasses of orange soda.  Then 10 minutes after eating the last 2 hotdogs... a strawberry shake.  This entire mess will cause an internal battle between the mind and the body.  The mudslinging will get pretty brutal as the mind start to tell the body that it's just getting weak and that it needs to work out more.  The body will then counter-punch the mind with some attack about it needs to stop watching so much Desperate Housewives so the body can stay in the shape the mind wants it to be in.  Eventually the body will win and convince the mind that it was an idiot for even wanting to eat HALF of that it will resort to constant whining and nagging if the mind thinks about doing that again.

...The mind HATES whining and nagging.

3. Fish are friends, not food (except for flippin' Dolphins)!  Along with Memorial Day, this day marked the 13000th time I had to listen to Finding Nemo.  I say LISTEN because it is pretty much the only video my young daughters like to watch in the car.  And since I'm driving, I only get to listen.  I thought I had gotten rid of this issue when I traded cars with my wife.  I took the older car and gave her the newer vehicle.  That meant she was now in charge of the obsessive watching of Finding Nemo.  Well, I didn't think about trips to see the Grandparents when we are all in the car together.  So I guess what I'm saying is for sanity's sake... DON'T FIND NEMO!!!  Remember before next year to destroy that movie!  Destroy the DVD.  Destroy the case.  And get rid of ALL of the evidence.  I don't care how, just do it!

4.  Avoid grocery shopping on this day.  You hate any kind of shopping anyway so this one should be easy.  And this rule should hold true even if the house has been out of food for 4 days and someone comes to you and offers to give you $1000 just to go get your family some groceries.  Do not go!  Too many people in one place doing something you try to avoid at all costs.  It is a recipe for disaster.  Anxiety attacks.  Heart Palpitations. It's not worth it.  If you haven't bought food by this time next year just count the day as a loss and tell the wife and kids it's cinnamon toast for everyone.

5. Driving all the way across town to get to the gas station with the cheapest gas or the one that doesn't use ethanol COMPLETELY defeats the purpose of going to said gas stations for the purpose of saving gas or money.  This logic continues to elude me.  Somehow I mentally justify it all of the time.  So if you are reading this next year and STILL pondering the same idea... just say no.  I'm serious.  Sometime it's OK to just say no.

There are plenty of other things I should tell myself to remember but I'm pretty sure I'm going to forget this list as well.  Unfortunately, history will probably repeat itself.  The good news is that next year all I will have to do is 'copy' and 'paste' this post.  The only thing that will change is the date.  The bad news is that I will probably be up late again next year because the body will continue to gripe about the mind's eating decision.  Right now, my body is REALLY trying to hit its point home. OK, body... I get it.

At least I will remember to give a Civilian Salute to the fallen soldiers of freedom next year as well.

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