Google+

Pages

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A conversation you don't hear when you have less than 2 small children

I had one of those moments today that can only happen when you have more than one child.  For those with 2+ kids, you will know exactly what I'm talking about.  For those with 1- kids... variations of this happen ALL the time.  So just be prepared.  These are also the stories that grandparents love to hear about the "little angels." I'm not exactly sure what I call these scenarios but here it goes.

I was getting the kids ready to leave the house today.  And, of course, my wife FORCES me to make sure I have the correct number of shoes and socks, shirt and pants (shorts).  I told my wife we live in the South and most of that stuff is optional. She's not from the South so she's not buying it.  And in addition to my NORMAL checklist, she started making me add: Make sure the clothes you do decide on actually FIT.  I'm not sure why that was added but I think it had something to do with THIS POST. And since I AM the M.O.T.H. I will flex my muscles, show my dominance, ROAR with the power, strength and fortitude of the majestic lion... then... I will do whatever it was she told me to do in the first place.  I may be the M.O.T.H. but I'm NO idiot.  I just personally don't believe there is ALWAYS a need to have BOTH shoes on when you leave the house.  I'm just sayin'...

So, I'm looking for BOTH shoes and, of course, one is missing.  This is normal (hence my attitude toward two shoes).  This little search usually lasts about 10 minutes (unless you have to be somewhere in 10 minutes... then it lasts 30).  But, today, I had an ace in the hole.  The little one (the 20-month old) found the shoe.  And it was in record time, too.  This search only lasted 5 minutes!  In parent time that is an amazing feat.  We just shaved on 5 minutes off of our usual routine.  In all actuality, the little one probably hides them to begin with but that's another post for another day.

The little one brought me the shoe.  I took the shoe from the her hands and told her "thank you."  So, naturally, she told me "thank you" in return.  I can only assume that she was either thanking me for thanking her or that she hadn't learned "you're welcome" yet.  Now, the middle child knows "you're welcome" and saw this as a perfect moment to take credit for something she didn't even do.  I'm completely sure she got that lovely trait from me so I left it alone.  But little did I know that this was going to spark a CRAZY conversation that you would only hear if you had more than one small child.  Here's how it went...

Child 1 (the little one): Thank you.
Child 2 (the middle one): You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.

Dad's mind:  (What in the world is going on here?)
Dad's words: Ok. Let's get go.  We have to go meet mommy (thinking naively that this would stop the conversation).

Child 2: OK.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.

We get into the car...

Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.

We are driving down the street...

Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.

This is starting to drive me nuts!  And FINALLY it's starts to get to the middle child so she stops talking.  I really thought this would stop the conversation.  Silly me.  It didn't stop the conversation.  It only changed the dynamics of it.

Child 1: Thank you.
(5 seconds of silence)
(No response)
Child 1: Thank you.
(5 seconds of silence)
(No response)
Child 1: Thank you.
(5 seconds of silence)
(No response)
Child 1: Thank you.
(5 seconds of silence)
(No response)

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  She's perfectly content having this conversation all by herself!

Child 1: Thank you.
(5 seconds of silence)
(No response)
Child 1: Thank you.
(5 seconds of silence)
(No response)
Child 1: Thank you.
(5 seconds of silence)
(No response)

This really needed to stop.  My child was skipping like a broken record. (HA! Over half of you have no idea what that sounds like (or what a record is for that matter).)  So I decided to work with the only ally I had.  I was going to have to convince the middle child that the line must be drawn here!  I had to devise a scheme to get the little one to stop this foolishness.  And I needed the help of the middle one.  It was gonna cost me.  I knew it.  She knew it.  But before I could get my beautifully crafted plan from my brain to my lips... The middle one went from ally to enemy in 2 words...

Child 2: You're welcome.

Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.
Child 1: Thank you.
Child 2: You're welcome.

Dad's mind: (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!)
Dad's words: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

This pretty much went on until we got to where we were to meet mommy.  My wife still doesn't know why I didn't even let her vehicle come to a complete stop before I started chucking kids into car seats.  When they were (quietly) sitting in her car and I was getting ready to go into work, I had to fight the urge with every ounce of my being to keep from looking at the little one and saying "You're welcome."  Ultimately I didn't do it because I didn't want to lose my only ally left in this War on Toddler. But I will say this... Next time I'm going to take my wife's words to the letter of the law.  She only told me that both shoes were a must.  She didn't say both kids were!

Dad's Words: Thank you.

For this and other blogs come visit the crew at Dad-Blogs for Fatherhood Friday.
Also, for some of my shorter ramblings check out my Daily Short Reads.