I must have missed the memo on this one. And I guess the fact that I used the word "memo" means it's true. When did the 30s become the NEW 80s? I know they say you're only as old as you feel. If that's true then I was 147 years old a few weeks ago.
I suffered the first back injury of my short life. It was very painful and it put me out of commission for several days. I have a really high pain threshold and I seldom go to the doctor or take medicine. I did both after this injury.
Everything about this injury was VERY serious... except how the stupid thing happened. I would love to tell the tale of how I hurt my back while saving 10 orphans from a burning building.
I had even thought about telling everyone that I hurt my back while I was skydiving and my parachute didn't open. It was a crazy free fall for at least 38,000ft! As a matter of fact... if the plane hadn't SWOOPED down at the last minute to catch me, I wouldn't be alive to write this Blog.
I only wish I could tell you that I hurt my back while trying out for the Titans (because they REALLY need my help). I won the starting QB AND starting WR spots. We were working on plays where I would throw the ball to MYSELF. On one of my amazing pass plays I threw the ball 65 yards... to myself. And when I realized that I was going to embarrass the entire defense with this truly wonderful feat, I decided to one-up myself. Since no one could catch me, I JUMPED from out of nowhere and had a HUGE diving tackle... on myself!
Unfortunately, none of those stories are true. I know most of you are shocked. You were expecting me to tell you that one of the three stories is legitimate. But, alas... I can't. I'm going to have to use one of those stories for the next injury (I'm not going to waste a good story). SO I trade in those good stories for this crappy one.
It was a school morning and everything was routine. I fed the kids. I got them ready. I did the middle child's hair. This would have been an awesome story if that was how I hurt my back. Because any given morning she throws a fit so bad that just watching it is enough to make your back hurt a week. But not this morning. I mean, she threw a fit (like normal)! But it wasn't enough to throw out my back. She did cause a pain with her fit but saying it was in my back would be an improper ASSessment of the location of said pain.
Moving on... I got everyone ready and we got into the car. We were running a little late (normal) so we were in a hurry. We got in the car, pull out of the driveway and turn onto the next street. Just then I hear a little sound from the back seat.... "Daddy... I forgot my yellow blankie." If she hadn't used her mutant make-daddy-do-what-I-want-with-my-cute-smile ability, I wouldn't have this story to tell. But she used her magic and I turned the car around (We had just left anyway).
So we turn around, go back home and pull into the driveway. I turn to get out of the car and.... that's the end of the story! I told you, I told you, I told you! That's the story. That's how I hurt my back! I went from being in my 30s to being in my 140s on one turn to get out of my car. I want to continue writing but the arthritis won't let me. The Titans are doing terrible without me. I guess I'm going to go to bed.
Now, where's my cane?!?