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Sunday, October 11, 2009

When did the Mid-30s mean... OLD!?!

I must have missed the memo on this one.  And I guess the fact that I used the word "memo" means it's true.  When did the 30s become the NEW 80s?  I know they say you're only as old as you feel.  If that's true then I was 147 years old a few weeks ago.

I suffered the first back injury of my short life.  It was very painful and it put me out of commission for several days.  I have a really high pain threshold and I seldom go to the doctor or take medicine.  I did both after this injury.

Everything about this injury was VERY serious... except how the stupid thing happened.  I would love to tell the tale of how I hurt my back while saving 10 orphans from a burning building.  

I had even thought about telling everyone that I hurt my back while I was skydiving and my parachute didn't open.  It was a crazy free fall for at least 38,000ft!  As a matter of fact... if the plane hadn't SWOOPED down at the last minute to catch me, I wouldn't be alive to write this Blog.

I only wish I could tell you that I hurt my back while trying out for the Titans (because they REALLY need my help).  I won the starting QB AND starting WR spots.  We were working on plays where I would throw the ball to MYSELF.  On one of my amazing pass plays I threw the ball 65 yards... to myself.  And when I realized that I was going to embarrass the entire defense with this truly wonderful feat, I decided to one-up myself.  Since no one could catch me, I JUMPED from out of nowhere and had a HUGE diving tackle... on myself!

Unfortunately, none of those stories are true.  I know most of you are shocked.  You were expecting me to tell you that one of the three stories is legitimate.  But, alas... I can't.  I'm going to have to use one of those stories for the next injury (I'm not going to waste a good story).  SO I trade in those good stories for this crappy one.

It was a school morning and everything was routine.  I fed the kids. I got them ready.  I did the middle child's hair.  This would have been an awesome story if that was how I hurt my back.  Because any given morning she throws a fit so bad that just watching it is enough to make your back hurt a week.  But not this morning.  I mean, she threw a fit (like normal)!  But it wasn't enough to throw out my back.  She did cause a pain with her fit but saying it was in my back would be an improper ASSessment of the location of said pain.

Moving on... I got everyone ready and we got into the car.  We were running a little late (normal) so we were in a hurry.  We got in the car, pull out of the driveway and turn onto the next street.  Just then I hear a little sound from the back seat.... "Daddy... I forgot my yellow blankie."  If she hadn't used her mutant make-daddy-do-what-I-want-with-my-cute-smile ability, I wouldn't have this story to tell.  But she used her magic and I turned the car around (We had just left anyway).

So we turn around, go back home and pull into the driveway.  I turn to get out of the car and.... that's the end of the story!  I told you, I told you, I told you!  That's the story.  That's how I hurt my back!  I went from being in my 30s to being in my 140s on one turn to get out of my car.  I want to continue writing but the arthritis won't let me.  The Titans are doing terrible without me.  I guess I'm going to go to bed.

Now, where's my cane?!?