It Must Be Stopped At All Costs

I have less time than I thought.  I made it through 12 years with the first one.  I kinda made it through 5 years with the second one.  But it has already started with my youngest.  My 2YO has a boyfri........
.
.
.
.
.
Sorry for the silence.  I passed out for a minute.  But I'm back.  Now where was I? Oh, yeah! This passing out just recently started.  I have never passed out before in my life until I found out about my 2YO's boyfri.........
.
.
.
.
.
I'm back.  Now where was I? Oh, yeah!  This is serious!  I focused all of my attention to my oldest and I now realized it was a COMPLETELY misplaced effort.  The little 2YO flew in under the radar.  (She's really small so odds are she really just walked in under the radar.)  And what makes it worse is that she even knows the little boy's name.  I'm refuse to write his name because I've just now started acknowledging his existence.

Then, to add insult to injury... My wife thinks this is funny!  I don't see the humor in this AT ALL.  She thinks it's all cute and stuff.  It's about as cute as this dog...

Yeah, really.  That cute.

I look at it like this.  It's like spending your time and effort taking care of your beautiful flower garden.  You spend hours and hours making sure it has the right amount of water.  You make sure the soil has the right PHes and such.  (Shows how much I know about a flower garden.)  You spare no expense in getting the right mulch and stones to accent the wonderfully planned EDENesque scene.  Then, while you were pruning the flowers to perfection... a weed pops up right smack in the middle of the garden!

There it is... a freakin' dandelion! Yeah, they're cute to look at but they create two problems in this scenario.  The first one is that we all know what happens to dandelions.  They look pretty for a while then they turn into little ugly puffballs of evilness.  Then the wind blows and they spread their praises to the dark one throughout the land.  (They also spend more of their life as a stupid puffball than a pretty flower.  So you can take that analogy as far as you want to.)

The other reason they create a problem is that in the grand scheme things.... I don't care how cute the weed may be, it's still a weed and shouldn't be in my flower garden!  It makes me change my objective.  I go from a positive agenda of nurturing and loving to negative one of search and destroy.  And I'm a nice guy.  I don't like living in the negative.  Dandelions do that to me!
 
I also don't care that my flower garden... I mean, daughter is only 2YO.  It starts somewhere.  And it's like a disease.  It will continue to spread unless you do something about it.  No matter what people think (Joan and Mindy) this IS preventable and, more importantly, stoppable.  My little cutie gets anything she wants.  But this is where I draw the line.  I don't care if she does give me the Princess Pouty Face.

My Pouty Princess in training. 

I am immune to Princess Poutiness under certain circumstances.  I have to keep my emotions repressed. I will not let it sway my decision on what I KNOW is right!  And if I try hard enough, I might even be able to repress the whole notion that my 2YO has a boyfr........
.
.
.
.
.
Now where was I? Oh, yeah!

A Very Real Tale of Paranormal Activity

Our house is haunted.  That's a tough one for me to admit.  I used to consider myself one who does not believe in such things.  But alas... I have been awakened.  You can only deny such things for so long before the very thought of them etches a groove so deeply into reality that, in spite of itself, reality gives way to its existence.

At first it was easy to cast aside the evidence of the paranormal within our domain. Denial makes lovely pillow talk.  And no matter how blatant the display, my mind always had a way of explaining away the truth.  Call it a stain on the human soul or an ingenious coping mechanism designed to suppress the fear of the unknown trapped underneath the bed of our childhood dreams.

I lived happily for years with my eyes straight ahead knowing that thoughts like these live, breath and grow in the peripherals of ones mind.  But in my home, I'm having to take extra glances and second looks at things I would normally pass off to circumstance or natural occurrence.  Personally, I would still turn a blind eye to the situation but there is more a stake than in the past.

Before, it was just me.  But the interest rate on ignorance keeps rising so the monthly payment is WAY too steep at this point.  Right now, I seem to be the only one paying the cost but I don't know how long this force will stay focused just on me.  So I must do something before it affects my wife... or my... my children.  They must be protected at all costs.  Deferring is not an option.

The sad part of all of this is that I still have trouble defining that which is mocking me.  It's one thing to give it validation.  It's another thing to give it classification.  When I add the physical dilemma it's placing me in to the mental and emotional draining it's causing me, I feel that life is asking a lot of me right now to get this straightened out.  And though I'm glad this is the case (considering the alternative), I just can't figure out why I'm the target.  Why me?  Why this?  Why now?  I have a million whys but asking myself only leads to more whys.  So I will make one last attempt to ask the source of unexplained phenomenon.

Mr. Closet Monster... Why do you feel the need to take my wife's clothes from her closet and put them into mine?  When we bought the house we had clearly defined HIS and HERS closets.  With all of your pranks and reorganizing you have managed to make these closets HERS and HERS/HIS.  That's just not right!

Even your persistence amazes me.  I can undo everything you have done only to find that you will change it back over time.  It's almost like you have found a way to breed clothing.  If you put more than two articles of clothing in there on day one there are 5 in there on day two.  Under normal circumstances this would be a welcomed trick, but this is more disturbing than entertaining.  Every week you find a way to whittle MY portion of MY own closet down to nothing.  I know I don't have a lot of clothes but that empty space is still mine (in theory).

And look at what you are doing to my poor wife.  I'm sure she is outraged that she has to walk ALL THE WAY over to the other side of the bathroom just to get to the rest of her clothes... in MY closet.  She is probably more upset than I am about this.  Or even worse, she probably thinks I'm borrowing her clothes.  (That's a whole different blog.) Because I know she doesn't believe in you Mr. Closet Monster.  Not yet, anyway.

I want to bring this to her attention but I don't want to alarm her.  She doesn't deserve this.  You have picked me and I want it to stay that way.  And even though I'm starting to find kids items in my closet as well, I KNOW you don't plan on bringing them into this.  That would be taking things too far... even for you.  I have to feel that some things are still sacred in this world.  But your actions are causing me to question that belief and understanding of life.  I hope you are satisfied.