Friday, June 17, 2011

Goodbyes are Never Easy

To my library friends:

Saying goodbye is never easy.  It's especially difficult when you have so much emotion invested in the time between the aloha and the aloha.  If the moment had been but a brief encounter all would have been well.  A simple "Ciao" would have sufficed.  But the longer the interaction... the longer the circumstance... the longer the story, the longer the ending.

Each second, minute and hour unknowingly adds more and more words to the final paragraph.  Each day, week and month changes the plot and the course of the final page.  Each year adds character and true meaning to the final chapter. And only when the novel is complete do you realize how important every single word was to defining who you are and what you will become.

Another thing about goodbyes is when the time comes, how do you let go?  No matter what you say or how you say it, feelings of words left unspoken never leave you.  It's almost like that feeling you get when you are packing for a long vacation.  Whether you spend a little or a lot of time on the task you always have a feeling that you are leaving something essential out of your luggage.  The feeling is natural.  It will eventually pass... just not today.

Today it will nag you to no end.  Every time you think, your mind will be filled with thoughts of "Should I have said..." When you speak, your words might seem calculated or prepared.  And the more effort taken to ensure the event will go without an awkward moment almost always ensures the awkwardness will be there... two or three fold.

You almost wish you could skip past the moment of goodbyes and move right to the feelings of relief that come afterward.  But you eventually come to understand that denying the moment means denying the relief.  The relief comes because of the moment.  And as time further advances you come to understand that saying the goodbye is a gift within itself.  There are many times in life when we would give up most of our future hellos for one chance to go back and give a missed goodbye. I know I have a few of those.

So, as I say my goodbyes I do so with the understanding that this not a goodbye to us.  This is a goodbye to the way things used to be. This is not a goodbye to the people but only to the moments shared in the past.  This is merely the closing lines of book one in a series of infinite volumes.  And I also realize that no matter how many words I say or write I WILL forget something.  No matter how many times I go over this in my mind it WILL be awkward.  And this WILL nag me for a while but I will have to move on because new stories can't be written without closing previous ones.

I bid thee all adieu and I anxiously await to see how our roles fare in the sequel.