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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Solving a Problem MAN Style

For my 3 readers, I apologize for not updating in a while.  We are working on a project at work that is taking a lot of time at work and at home.  But the major part of this will be over this weekend and I can get back to making some updates.

I wasn't planning on making this entry but an event, today, said that I must.  I have posted it on Facebook and have received several responses so I decided to try this here and see what people think.

Today a problem presented itself in the normal fashion and I handled it.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  There was a problem.  I solved it.  As you can see, I was writing short sentences.  That's the way we “men” think when there is a problem.  What's the quick solution?  What's the easy solution?  If we have to think too long about a problem then we cannot and should not be held responsible for the results.  And if we can solve two problems at the same time we should get a doggie treat!  I did that very thing today and I'm STILL waiting on my treat!

The first problem: Most weekdays I get the kids ready for school.  I feed the 3 girls.  I clothe 2 of the 3 girls.  And I fix the hair of 2 of the 3 girls.  The only reason I don't fix all three of their hair is because my oldest already has reservations about how I handle issues that arise.  I wonder where she got that from!?!  I'm going to make a longer post about the routine but that's not necessarily the problem I dealt with this morning.  The problem is that my 19-month old will NOT stay dressed.  It drives me NUTZ!!!!  She apparently thinks that EVERYDAY is Easter.  She thinks that Daddy would just LOVE one more Easter Clothes hunt.  I will get everyone ready and when it is time to go, I notice a shoe over here, a sock over there... Oh!  Another shoe behind the TV!  Now where's the OTHER sock?  Ah... yes.  Why didn't I think of that?  It's right next to her PANTS!  I also know when the pants drop because the 4-year old starts to sing PANTS ON THE GROUND in true American Idol week 1 – 3 form.  That's problem #1.

Problem #2: I will only assume that my 19-month old is an oddity.  I can only GUESS that there are ZERO 19-month old children that are the same size and shape as mine because NOTHING fits her.  She has the upper body of a 18 – 24 month old but the lower body of a 6 – 9-month old.  That's the only way I can see that ALL of her pants/shorts fall off of her.  So what about a belt? That's a silly question!  Don't you know that children 6 – 9-months old don't wear belts.  Again... I'm just assuming that because we can't find one that fits!  So her pants falling down and being otherwise easy to take off means it gets to be logged as problem #2.

Well.... This morning was like any other morning.  I got the girls ready.  I fed them.  I clothed them.  I did their hair.  And in classic form.... PANTS ON THE GROUND!! PANTS ON THE GROUND!!  OK... I have had enough of this mess.  So I searched high and low for some colorful thing that my wife promises is a belt.  When I started the search there was plenty of time on the clock.  Two personal fouls, 4 free-throws and a technical for bad language later, I'm starting to feel like Butler going up against Duke (For the record, I'm not anti-Duke but it sure would have been nice to see the little guy win one).  My time is running out and I need to make something happen or we are ALL going to be late.  So I stopped looking for the “belt” and started looking for a “belt-alternative.”

(Belt-alternative definition: Something that is NOT a belt but will serve the function of a belt in case said belt is missing or unable to perform its duties.  Often used by those who are creative and in a pinch.  Also, not always approved by the better half).

Ok... Now there is only 5 seconds on the clock and we have used our last time-out.  The other team is quietly celebrating their victory but they forget we have the ball and nothing to lose (but the game).  So I put on my game face and we drive this one home!

I'm not sure where I found the belt-alternative but it was right where it needed to be.  I find a beautiful pink... shoestring.



For those who fail to appreciate the creative mind (as well as genius) behind this I will pause while you let it soak in.  I didn't build the suspense of the shoestring because I didn't even think twice about it at the time.  But the more I thought about it... This was the PERFECT belt-alternative.  It allowed me the ability to kill 2 birds with one stone.  I have found a “belt.”  I put the  shoestring on like a belt. Then I tied it with a nice, pink, little bow (problem solved).  But I've seen this kid work.  I know that this cutesy bow wouldn't hold.  I've seen her take her clothes off and pull everything out of her hair like she was part of a NASCAR Pit Crew.  So to solve problem #2, I put a super-duper, triple-trouble, double-knot on it (It was really just a regular double-knot but it needed a name to go with its glorious purpose).  This knot worked better than expected.  The lady at daycare couldn't even get it undone.  She had to wiggle my daughter out of it just to change her diaper.  I have never been so proud.

Now, my question is... Is this a crowning achievement (that I should be proud of) or simply another daddy fail (that I should ALSO be proud of)?  All I'm saying is that there will be NO PANTS ON THE GROUND TOMORROW!