Friday, February 26, 2010

The Day I Almost Sold My Dog!

I am posting this blog because this weekend I'm taking my daughter to a gymnastics meet.  Since I'm doing this one alone, I'm SURE there is going to be a post about it when we get back.  So in the meantime, I'm posting one of my earlier blogs that you would have only seen if you were one of my Facebook friends.  But since you are not, here it is...

There might be lots of errors in this because I am too tired to error check. (It is explained below)

I remember this story so vividly. I remember this story even better than if it had happened yesterday. That’s because the day I almost sold my dog… was this morning. I’m going to tell this short little story so those who know my dog will feel that their connection to him has been spared yet another day. This tale is a little graphic so some may want to look away.

This story starts out normal. I was in bed asleep after staying up late (almost midnight) to witness the Lakers almost blow a 14-point lead in the Conference Finals. Now, let’s fast forward just a couple of hours to 4:00AM. As I was getting some really good ZZZZZ, I was awakened by my wife letting me know that my dog had pooped all over the bathroom floor. This was upsetting news for 3 reasons. One, I had just taken him out a few hours ago. Two, it was 4:00AM. And three... MY dog is the GOOD dog!  Surely he didn't do that.  But I was quickly forced back into reality when the smell started filling the room like only dog poop can.  So I got up out of bed and took a peek into the bathroom and it looked like Smokee (my dog) had called some of his friends over to make sure the entire floor was painted a nice shade of brown. Smokee doesn’t normally do this so I didn’t get too upset at first. I assume that this is the after-party when you have a party in your tummy (Yo Gabba Gabba shout out (Seriously, this show freaks me out)).  But my 0 years of veterinarian college tell me that nothing is wrong with him and I leave it at that. My wife brings me the cleaning supplies and then she goes back to bed. I spend about 10 – 15 minutes cleaning up this terrible, TERRIBLE mess. Issue resolved… so I thought.

Now, that my dog is 3 pounds lighter (he only weighs 10 normally) he decides that 4:20 is the perfect time to play. Apparently, this "problem" had really been weighing on his mind (and colon) for a while.  And now that he was free... HE WAS FREE!  He began running around the room and growling as though he doesn’t know what time it is (I must get him a Snoopy Watch). His sudden BURST of energy means that I can't go to sleep either. Being the good husband of a pregnant wife, I take the dog out of the room (thus saving both of our lives). I take him upstairs to the fabled MAN-ROOM so I can watch highlights of the game I just watched a few hours ago and to let him burn off some steam. He runs around for about 15 – 20 more minutes before coming to rest in the middle of the floor. I thought, finally…. Now we can go downstairs and I might be able to get an hour of sleep before I have to start getting ready for work. We go back downstairs, I crawl into bed and all is fine. Issue resolved… so I thought.

I hear my dog start to crawl under the bed. He never does this. So I thought a toy or something was under there. I’m really tired at this point so I don’t care why he’s under the bed. As long as he doesn’t make a lot of noise, I’m fine. Well, the noise continues. I try to tell him to hush without waking up my wife but it’s not working. Then I hear an all too familiar sound. If you have a dog or a cat you know this sound. It’s the sound of an animal yacking! My dog is under the bed throwing up. I’m really upset now. I understand it was my dog that was sick but this was really starting to upset me. So, I go into the kitchen and get the flashlight to see under the bed. There is my dog (barely fitting underneath the bed) with doggie spew (told you this was graphic) hanging from his mouth down to (what else) the air vent. He had thrown up into the air vent. So when the air kicks on it will now fill the room with a nice aroma of dog chuck. I reach under the bed and snatch my dog up and (do what???) throw him back in the bathroom where all of this crap (pun intended) started. I can’t move the bed now because my wife is trying to sleep. SO I go turn the air off so it is at least not circulating the smell into the room. Finally, issue resolved… so I thought.

I REALLY can’t sleep after all of that. So I decided to do something that would make me tired. I started working on the finances and paying bills. Sidenote - It’s amazing how the less money I have, the longer it takes to pay bills and work on a budget. But I get through with as much as I can and realize that I have to start getting ready for work. The sun has already started coming up. It’s 6:00AM now and I have been up for 2 hours. So I creep into the bedroom so as not to wake up my lovely SLEEPING wife. I take 1 barefooted step into the bathroom and almost slip on what I was hoping was some spilled water. But to my UN-surprise, it wasn’t. My awesome dog felt he hadn’t completed his duties as a dog until he left a huge pee puddle on the floor (ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!). I quietly stepped the rest of the way into the bathroom. Once clear of the nice icing on the cake I started to ponder the question of why I ever got a dog to begin with. So I clean doggie mess (AGAIN) and take my shower.

The completely ironic part about this whole thing is that the other dog… my wife’s dog… the BAD dog… was quietly sleeping in his bed the whole time. AND my dog was the one that was recreating a scene from "The Puppy Exorcist".  For the record, He was OK for the rest of the time after that. There is a little more to the whole story but I’m too tired to write. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’m so tired! Needless to say, if my dog pulls this crap again tonight, I will see what the going rate is for a Shih Tzu on Ebay. Then the title of my next blog will be 
“The Day I Almost Decided to Keep My Dog Before I Received a $5 Bid For Him on Ebay.”SOLD!

This repost was inspired by one of my NEW favorite bloggers:  Check out her "funny" morning too.
Also, there were no doggies harm in the making or writing of this post.  He is still alive and kicking.  Plus, no one reached the $5 mark and I was forced to keep him.

Also, go check out Dad-Blogs.  It's a fun place to read other adventures by other DAD bloggers.