Friday, June 11, 2010

Crime Doesn't Pay (But will occasionally leave the tip)

My two youngest daughters have decided to go into a life of crime.  They didn't consult with us (the loving-you-no-matter-what-you-do parents).  They just did it.  I'm sure they enjoyed it.  And I'm not sure, but I think they might do it again!

My wife had taken them to the store to do some lite grocery shopping.  She uses that cart with the car on the front.  I can't bring myself to use that thing yet.  I'm not sure why.  I think if I did, I would be too tempted to go running down the aisles as fast as I can making race car noises.  Then, if I ever pulled up next to someone else that was driving another "car" cart, I would get kicked out of the store because the Drag RACE would begin whether they wanted to race or not!  Just thinking about it right now makes me go swap some paint at the grocery store.  No kids... just me... the shopping cart.... and 1/4 mile stretch of unadulterated asphalt (or aisle 7 (whichever comes first)).  But anyway, this is not about me.

My wife finishes the shopping and gets out to the car with the groceries and the kids.  That's when she notices that the little angels decided to do a little shopping of their own.  And since NETHER of them have any money (that we know about) it was a shock to my wife.  I guess it would be considered a drive-by stealing because they were in that little car cart.  I was just envisioning them as Thelma and Louise. (Only without the sex... and the drinking... and the guns... and the suicide... and definitely NO Brad Pitt (sorry, honey)!  But other than that... Straight up Thelma and Louise!)

OK.  I know that stealing is bad.  It's still bad even when they use a not-so-bad-sounding term like shoplifting.  Shoplifting sounds more like seeing something in a store that you want so badly that it becomes a religious event. (Like, "I saw these shoes I just had to have.  It was a shoplifting experience! All of the cashiers rejoiced!")  Now, you can call me sad if you want but I was more upset with what they stole than the actual act of stealing.  They took Chicken Noodle Soup (OK), Pepperoni (Hmmm) and Kleenex (What the... Kleenex???).  Now, we need to talk.

I am completely at a crossroads with this issue.  I know they shouldn't steal (the 10 commandments, the law and all of that stuff).  But I've decided to wait a few weeks before I teach them that lesson.  My wife doesn't know this yet but I plan to take our lovely children shopping next week to Best Buy.  Father's Day is coming up soon and Daddy needs a new 52" Plasma TV.  Now, as a father I will not teach them that stealing is a good thing.  That would just make me a horrible father.  But if for some reason the 52" TV just happened to FALL off the shelf and into their pockets.... Hmmm....

If that happened, I would have no choice but to teach them the err of their ways when we got home and were mounting the TV on the wall.  And I think there are a few Blu-Ray movies that would do a better job than I ever could explaining the negative side of the path they have chosen.  I don't have a Blu-Ray player yet but I AM taking 2 kids to Best Buy.  And they BOTH need to learn a lesson.

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