It Must Be Stopped At All Costs

I have less time than I thought.  I made it through 12 years with the first one.  I kinda made it through 5 years with the second one.  But it has already started with my youngest.  My 2YO has a boyfri........
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Sorry for the silence.  I passed out for a minute.  But I'm back.  Now where was I? Oh, yeah! This passing out just recently started.  I have never passed out before in my life until I found out about my 2YO's boyfri.........
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I'm back.  Now where was I? Oh, yeah!  This is serious!  I focused all of my attention to my oldest and I now realized it was a COMPLETELY misplaced effort.  The little 2YO flew in under the radar.  (She's really small so odds are she really just walked in under the radar.)  And what makes it worse is that she even knows the little boy's name.  I'm refuse to write his name because I've just now started acknowledging his existence.

Then, to add insult to injury... My wife thinks this is funny!  I don't see the humor in this AT ALL.  She thinks it's all cute and stuff.  It's about as cute as this dog...

Yeah, really.  That cute.

I look at it like this.  It's like spending your time and effort taking care of your beautiful flower garden.  You spend hours and hours making sure it has the right amount of water.  You make sure the soil has the right PHes and such.  (Shows how much I know about a flower garden.)  You spare no expense in getting the right mulch and stones to accent the wonderfully planned EDENesque scene.  Then, while you were pruning the flowers to perfection... a weed pops up right smack in the middle of the garden!

There it is... a freakin' dandelion! Yeah, they're cute to look at but they create two problems in this scenario.  The first one is that we all know what happens to dandelions.  They look pretty for a while then they turn into little ugly puffballs of evilness.  Then the wind blows and they spread their praises to the dark one throughout the land.  (They also spend more of their life as a stupid puffball than a pretty flower.  So you can take that analogy as far as you want to.)

The other reason they create a problem is that in the grand scheme things.... I don't care how cute the weed may be, it's still a weed and shouldn't be in my flower garden!  It makes me change my objective.  I go from a positive agenda of nurturing and loving to negative one of search and destroy.  And I'm a nice guy.  I don't like living in the negative.  Dandelions do that to me!
 
I also don't care that my flower garden... I mean, daughter is only 2YO.  It starts somewhere.  And it's like a disease.  It will continue to spread unless you do something about it.  No matter what people think (Joan and Mindy) this IS preventable and, more importantly, stoppable.  My little cutie gets anything she wants.  But this is where I draw the line.  I don't care if she does give me the Princess Pouty Face.

My Pouty Princess in training. 

I am immune to Princess Poutiness under certain circumstances.  I have to keep my emotions repressed. I will not let it sway my decision on what I KNOW is right!  And if I try hard enough, I might even be able to repress the whole notion that my 2YO has a boyfr........
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Now where was I? Oh, yeah!

A Very Real Tale of Paranormal Activity

Our house is haunted.  That's a tough one for me to admit.  I used to consider myself one who does not believe in such things.  But alas... I have been awakened.  You can only deny such things for so long before the very thought of them etches a groove so deeply into reality that, in spite of itself, reality gives way to its existence.

At first it was easy to cast aside the evidence of the paranormal within our domain. Denial makes lovely pillow talk.  And no matter how blatant the display, my mind always had a way of explaining away the truth.  Call it a stain on the human soul or an ingenious coping mechanism designed to suppress the fear of the unknown trapped underneath the bed of our childhood dreams.

I lived happily for years with my eyes straight ahead knowing that thoughts like these live, breath and grow in the peripherals of ones mind.  But in my home, I'm having to take extra glances and second looks at things I would normally pass off to circumstance or natural occurrence.  Personally, I would still turn a blind eye to the situation but there is more a stake than in the past.

Before, it was just me.  But the interest rate on ignorance keeps rising so the monthly payment is WAY too steep at this point.  Right now, I seem to be the only one paying the cost but I don't know how long this force will stay focused just on me.  So I must do something before it affects my wife... or my... my children.  They must be protected at all costs.  Deferring is not an option.

The sad part of all of this is that I still have trouble defining that which is mocking me.  It's one thing to give it validation.  It's another thing to give it classification.  When I add the physical dilemma it's placing me in to the mental and emotional draining it's causing me, I feel that life is asking a lot of me right now to get this straightened out.  And though I'm glad this is the case (considering the alternative), I just can't figure out why I'm the target.  Why me?  Why this?  Why now?  I have a million whys but asking myself only leads to more whys.  So I will make one last attempt to ask the source of unexplained phenomenon.

Mr. Closet Monster... Why do you feel the need to take my wife's clothes from her closet and put them into mine?  When we bought the house we had clearly defined HIS and HERS closets.  With all of your pranks and reorganizing you have managed to make these closets HERS and HERS/HIS.  That's just not right!

Even your persistence amazes me.  I can undo everything you have done only to find that you will change it back over time.  It's almost like you have found a way to breed clothing.  If you put more than two articles of clothing in there on day one there are 5 in there on day two.  Under normal circumstances this would be a welcomed trick, but this is more disturbing than entertaining.  Every week you find a way to whittle MY portion of MY own closet down to nothing.  I know I don't have a lot of clothes but that empty space is still mine (in theory).

And look at what you are doing to my poor wife.  I'm sure she is outraged that she has to walk ALL THE WAY over to the other side of the bathroom just to get to the rest of her clothes... in MY closet.  She is probably more upset than I am about this.  Or even worse, she probably thinks I'm borrowing her clothes.  (That's a whole different blog.) Because I know she doesn't believe in you Mr. Closet Monster.  Not yet, anyway.

I want to bring this to her attention but I don't want to alarm her.  She doesn't deserve this.  You have picked me and I want it to stay that way.  And even though I'm starting to find kids items in my closet as well, I KNOW you don't plan on bringing them into this.  That would be taking things too far... even for you.  I have to feel that some things are still sacred in this world.  But your actions are causing me to question that belief and understanding of life.  I hope you are satisfied.

My New Hybrid

I've decided to get me a chisel, an axe, a hamster and some saber-toothed tiger skins.  At first glance that sounds like an odd shopping list.  But after reading what I plan to do with it I'm sure I will have some of you won over.

I decided with the gas prices going through the roof I needed to make a change.  In order to weather this storm I am moving to a greater harmony with nature and my fellow man.  I'm getting a hybrid vehicle.  But this is not an ordinary hybrid vehicle.  (I don't do anything ordinary.)  As a matter of fact, I'm not even going to buy it.  I'm going to build it.  My family and I are going to live the life of the Flintstones.

I will search for a mighty stone. Red Rock in Australia...  Stonehenge....  One of the Great Pyramidinal (not a word but should be) stones.  How about one of the Rolling Stones? (they have a lot of miles on them but have a proven track record.)  I might even consider Sly and the Family Stone.  I COULD go for some reasonably sized rocks but if I'm going to be riding on stones I need to ride in style.

Next, I will search for a large tree.  I have a few kids to chauffeur around so I will need a bigger car than the Flintstones'.  So the tree I choose must be BIG!  I'm thinking a Coastal Redwood or a Giant Sequoia.  I might UNtie the yellow ribbon and use the old oak tree.  Is One Tree Hill available? (I know that's a hill and not a tree... I think.)  I haven't counted out the idea of "sprucing" up my ride with a little "fir" seat covers.  That would be a real tree-t!

Now for the hamster...  Well, I can't use my feet to run the vehicle the WHOLE time.  I need break every now and then.  That's where the genius of making this car a hybrid comes in. (Plus I get a tax break if I consider the car a "hybrid".  See... I AM smart sometimes!)  Who needs Horsepower when you have Double-H power (Human/Hamster).  And if I need to add a turbo to the vehicle I will just let the Hamster have some Red Bull.

Ok... the saber-toothed tiger skins are going to be a tough one to come across.  I might have to watch Ice Age a few times to get a good feel on where to find one of those.  But I really shouldn't just limit myself to saber-toothed tigers, though.  I'm sure a saber-toothed deer or a saber-toothed rabbit or a saber-toothed water buffalo skin should do just as fine.  Ooooo.... a saber-toothed panda skin.... I'm liking that.  (Even though these are fictitious animals, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get some email from Peta.)

I'm not sure how to convert my new vehicle to Miles Per Gallon (or Kilometers Per Liter) but I think it's going to be pretty good!  The real test, though,  is going to be if I can get my 12YO to let me drop her off at school or gymnastics in daddy's new car.  I personally think she is going to love it.  Call me the optimist.  (I might be a little delusional on that one but I will take it.  As long as I'm not delusional about the fact that my daughter(s) is not going to have a boyfriend until she's(they are) 30.  There will be no BAM BAM with my little Pebbles.  Just let me have one delusion... please.)

4 Minutes Left

This is a really short post. It's designed to get you in and out and back to your day. :-)

Last night I was reading the nightly bedtime stories to the 2 little ones.  (For some reason the oldest thinks she is too old for that since she's in Middle School... whatever!)  As I'm get to one of the pages I was promptly told by my middle child that "we are almost done.  We only have 4 minutes left."

???

"Why do we only have 4 minutes left?", I asked.

She didn't answer but she got up and went to her favorite clock (a little silly Puss in Boots clock she got from McDonalds where you open the mouth and the clock is inside).  She picked up the clock and said, "4 minutes left."  I looked at the clock and it didn't have anything to do with "4 minutes".

At this point I think she is just stalling and doesn't want to go to bed.  So I *ahem* encourage her to sit down so we can finish the book and she can go to bed.  (Really, it was so we can finish the book and we BOTH can go to bed!)  I pick up the book and she pointed and said, "See, 4 minutes left!"

The answer was right below the line in the book that says, "We love him, because he first loved us."
It said, "1 John 4:19"

She was correct once again!  We only had 4 minutes and 19 seconds left of the book.  John told us so.  I once was blind, now I see.


Another quick set of statements that have ZERO to do with the above post.

In the United States, there are only a few ways to show your kids you have a cut on the knuckle of your middle finger without saying something very inappropriate.  And if you aren't thinking before you do it...  I promise (from experience) you kids will recover just fine.

(If you are unsure what the problem is, just try it in the mirror and you will see what I mean.)

Your Presence is Requested

Hello, everyone.  It's your long, lost blogger friend coming at you live from a remote beach on an even more tropical island paradise.  I'm not going to say which one, though.  It could be Hawaii.  It could be the Virgin Islands.  It might even be on the island of Wyomingda.  My wife and I are enjoying the warm sun, sandy beaches and the fact that we left the kids hundreds of miles away.  The 12YO can take care of the two little ones.  She's very mature for her age.  Plus we are already here.  What do you want me to do about that now?!?  Excuse me while I order another drink.

(What you have just witnessed was NOT real.  It was just a test of the One Day I Will Do This Emergency Blog Intro.  In the event of an actual tropical visit, you can almost 100% guarantee that you would not see anything from me during the trip except some random Tweets or Facebook Status Updates like: "Hey, this island has BIG coconuts!" or "I promise those last 3 pics were NOT inspired by Margaritaville.  OK... they really were.  Make that the last 37 pics." or even "Note to self: Make sure to sit out of arms reach or better yet throwing distance when going to a tropical island with your wife.  I love you, honey! You're the best wife in the world!  :-)" )

The reality of all of this is that there hasn't been ANY time for writing.  Over the last month or so the Que family was hit with some very serious medical news.  I probably won't get into it much in my blog but you never, EVER expect to hear that kind of news. But we are pushing forward.  More recent news has been much better than the previous 3 - 4 weeks.  So we are a lot more optimistic and positive.  Plus, I have a wonderful wife and 3 lovely children.  It's hard to stay negative long with they are around.  But when people are hit with really powerful news they handle it differently.  I would imagine that a REAL writer would want to write about it.  It helps the mind when the pen in moving.  (I would have said when the keys are clicking but it doesn't sound as poetic.)  But I'm not a REAL writer.  So, I didn't want any pens to move (or keys clicking). But that definitely contributed to a little bit of blogging silence.

Another reason for silence is that I'm working about 87+ hours a week (when you add commute time).  I work 2 full-time jobs.  I also work 7 days a week.  There is even a 60hr stretch in there where I only get 8hrs of sleep... total.  I don't tell that for any awards or medals.  (Banana pudding would be nice though!) I do what any husband/father (any not EVERY, mind you) would do in my situation.  I just told that to let you know that I'm working with a few minor time constraints right now.  Because when I do have some free time my wife and kids want some attention.  (The nerve!)

It's not all as bad as it sounds, though.  The bills are getting paid.  We are finally moving forward financially.  Not a lot of families can say that in the economy right now.  Another thing a lot of people can't say is that I like BOTH of my jobs.  Actually, I LOVE one of them and I REALLY like the other.  But I'm not going to post which is which.  I will let each job feel like I love them the most. :)  It's kinda like how I am with my kids! (My wife is not going to like THAT joke.)

But I did find out some great news at one of my jobs, though.  I found out that if I ever needed a bladder transplant (if they even do that) there is a donor right there!!! I didn't do a complete scientific, medical analysis or anything.  But I would beg to say that our bladders have exactly the same size, shape and spongitude (absorbency) because we met each other in the bathroom at least 5 times in one day.  And I know most of you are thinking "5 times???"  Why in the bathroom so much?  But I have been drinking a lot of water lately.  I'm back on my getting to my target weight thing again. (Watching The Biggest Loser does that to me.)  The good news is that I'm finally (due to an ill-conceived stomach virus (get it??? ILL-conceived... stomach virus... whatever)) down to my last 10lbs.  So the weight loss thing is back in order.  Now I just need to find an easy way to get my co-worker's driver's license to see if he's an organ donor.  I would ask him but that would be an odd, out-of-the-blue question to ask someone you have only seen but have never talked to.  I'm sure he would find that a little suspicious.

Well, I have to go now.  I hope that when this is all over, I will still have my 3 readers.  And maybe I will find a time in the near future to catch up on reading some of writings of my favorite bloggers.  You all know who you are and you know I haven't commented in a while.  Sorry.  Just remember YOU are my favorite blogger.  And I'm not just saying you're my favorite.  It's not like you are my jobs or my kids. (Best Wife EVER!) :-)

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