Stay At Home Parents (SAHPs)... HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?!?
For the last few weeks, I have been a SAHD... during the day. I LOVE my children to no end. But after spending the last several days with them I have to go to work to recover from being a SAHD! When I see my wife and it is time to hand them off, I pass the kids to her like a football and I run... and I don't look back. As far as I know, she takes the little footballs, scores a touchdown and spikes them in the end zone. She might even kick a field goal after doing a little dance. (I don't think she does that but I was just saying what I would do.)
I know that some of you (Spuds and his +6) are going to laugh and call me a wimp (or some more colorful nouns surrounded by some even more colorful adjectives) and then laugh some more. But this is more of an acknowledgement that it truly is the hardest job in the world. Also, that I understand your pains and I don't know how you do it.
First off... Why don't ALL SAHPs weigh 300+ lbs? I have been doing this for a few weeks now and EVERYTHING makes me want to eat.
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| Just replace the fruit with the 3Cs: Candy, Cake and Cookies. |
"Kids, it's lunch time!" - They eat. I eat.
"Kids, Sesame Street is on!" - They watch. I eat.
"Awww... That was a GREAT poopie! Let's go get some food!" - No I don't see the poopie and think of food. When my 4-year old is done on the potty, she announces the size, weight, shape, color, serial number, maunfactured date, and warranty information of all of her poopies. So what do I do to celebrate (cause you have to celebrate)??? I eat.
Honestly, I think I have gained 10lbs... in just my toes! Whenever things go wrong, I eat. When the kids are pulling the dogs ears... it makes me hungry. When the I'm cleaning the house, I'm hungry. When I'm watching TV during the kids nap time (when I should be cleaning the house)... I eat. WHERE DOES IT END??!!
After you tell me how you tackle the food issue (I'm hungry just writing the word food) you can tell me how you handle the cleaning. There are times when my wife comes in and the house is a MESS! She doesn't say anything but I think in my head, "You should have seen this place 15 minutes ago!" But she knows.
I have found that I have to time my cleaning just right so the house doesn't look like a disaster right when my wife comes home. It's the Goldilocks Plan. If I do it too early, I will have to clean more than once. (For some reason, my kids like to follow me around and destroy the EXACT thing I just cleaned.) If I do it too late, I only get a few things done and my wife comes home with me still cleaning. But if I do it JUST RIGHT, my wife will come home to a clean (relatively speaking, of course) house and the kids are just now starting to mess everything up again. Now most of the time we meet up and do the football (kids) spiking thing I was talking about earlier. So the timing has to be adjusted to factor in travel. But I'm pretty good with time so It's not a major conversion.
The next issue is education. You can't just sit the kids in front of the TV all day and let the watch Spongebob. (No Honey, I don't let them watch Spongebob anymore. When it is on the channel it was for me!) I guess in all reality, you COULD just let them watch TV all day but then you risk the GIGO Affect. (GIGO - Computer programming term that basically means Garbage In - Garbage Out.) So there has to be some non-TV related educating even when the kids are out for Summer Break. (A quick question: I know that Sesame Street is educational programming but why is it that every song ELMO sings is always sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells"? SAHPs, you get a bonus for answering that one for me.)
My problem with all of this is when I'm "educating" the 4-year old. How do I get the (almost) 2-year old to just SIT there?!? (I put the ALMOST in there because I'm really tired of writing out her actual age in months. I personally think that mess should stop after 12 months.) No running around. No tearing up the place. No pulling out the same toys I just cleaned up (too early, I might add). No chasing the dog around. No making a lot of noise. Just sit there quietly like a good little 2-year old should while I work on educating your sister. Is that asking for too much? I'm pretty sure it is.
Here's another thing that drive me absolutely nuts... I LOVE when I come home from work and the kids yell out, "Daddy!" I will probably not be able to find too many things in life that I could put in the same category of just pure joy. (Maybe a hole-in-one in golf. But that will never happen so I won't be able to make a true comparison.) It warms my heart. It makes me smile. And I look forward to it EVERY single time I walk into the door. But...
When I'm home with the kids for a long period of time, the little one likes to ask for things by throwing what she wants into the middle of a bunch of daddies! "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, ona cup (which I assume is "I want a cup" of milk or water)." And if I don't answer, acknowledge or otherwise start moving in the direction of the sippy cups in .7 seconds, it starts over again with even more authority. "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, ONA CUP!" I completely understand why my mother always threatened to change her name. I think mothers are much better with dealing with this (in general). Because as a father, after 2 rounds of this I'm ready to give her whatever she wants (water, milk, beer, wine, rum, WHATEVER)!
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| This justice scale is voice activated! |
Unfortunately for the middle child (and the oldest one for that matter), it doesn't work in their favor. The loudest kid usually wins out. I try to be fair to all of my children. And though justice might be blind, she's not DEAF! Even SHE would tip the scales in favor of the little loud one just for some peace and quiet. So the squeaky wheel get the grease.
There are millions of other things that make me wonder why anyone CHOOSES to be a SAHP. I have nothing but love and respect for each and every one of you. I think it takes a special person to do what you do. And to celebrate who you are and what you stand for I have decided to eat something. I'm not sure what it is yet but apparently it doesn't matter to me any more. I eat everything... And after I eat, ona cup (of something a little harder than milk or water). I need to practice on being the squeaky wheel.
1) Food... I had to smile reading that because my mind traveled back those first few months with my first child and I wonder how I didn't starve to death than. Eating was impossible! Every time I'd try- she'd cry. It was the only time she'd cry, so I guess I was lucky. All I had to do to have a perfect child was give up eating. Thankfully, she grew out of it.
ReplyDelete2) Mess... I give up. School starts here on Aug 6th. I'm counting down to the day that I'll finally have a clean house (for a least a couple of hours.)
3) Speaking of education...Yes, you are expecting too much. I'm not just a mom, I'm also a preschool teacher (or at least I was until recently - but that's not the point.) TV is fine in moderation. PBS is your friend. There's Super Why, WordGirl, Sid the Science Kid, Caillou...Nick Jr (No Spongebob!!!) offers Backyardagins, Dora, KaiLan and best of all is Noggin: Little Bear, Franklin, Oswald... Ready to turn off the tube? Grab a cheap, plastic shower liner and spread it out of the floor. This is your work area. Little Miss almost two gets to learn too. Finger paint, playdoh, writing letters in shaving cream...she can play (learn) right along with Little Miss four year old. The mess stays fairly contained and when you are through, just wipe it down and put it away!
Squeaky wheels...Yeah, sorry. No advice there. The older kids have to learn that life isn't fair, right? That's what I keep telling myself anyway.
I am in love with this post. I became a SAHM out of necessity. I feared it then and I fear it now.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the food, I'm looking to Jillian Michaels to help combat that one. Lord knows a diet of PB&J and cheetos hasn't helped the weight. Don't even get me started on snacks. I'm pretty sure my 4 year old only eats lunch so he can ask for a snack 15 minutes after he's finished.
I too have learned the art of timing Daddy's (in my case) arrival. About 45 minutes before he's due home, the kids and I play the clean up game. It's a rare occasion that hubby enters the front door where I am not in the kitchen furiously cramming dishes in the dishwasher. On those days that you just aren't feeling it, arts and crafts do wonders. Nothing melts an annoyed parent like a kid presenting them with a finger painted portrait. "See hon, I was too busy to clean because I was tending to the creative genius of our children." :D
Love Nick Jr. (formerly Noggin) No commercials and all very much kid appropriate. I also have to say I love Yo Gabba Gabba. As far as educational, cooking something deals with measurements and sequence. Arts and crafts can be an awesome tool. Parent Connect, run by the Nick Jr. people, is a great website that has ideas for activities that go hand in hand with the programs your kids watch. Don't forget life skills, like fixing items that are broken or learning how to vacuum. I dare say that one of the most important things you can do for your kids is to make a fort in the living room and pretend the carpet is water full of crocodiles. It teaches kids the power of the imagination and shows them that Daddy is the coolest person in the world, who loves them without hesitation.
As far as the squeaky kid, eh, the ability to block out their frequency comes with time. Eventually their constantly whining fades into the background like flourescent lights.
Stay strong and keep making me laugh. You are a bright spot in this stay at home mom's day.
Maybe you are stress eating?? I was a nanny for like two weeks and all I could do was follow them around like a vacuum cleaner. Needless to say, I was only a nanny for 2 weeks.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet tribute to SAHPs.
ReplyDeleteTwo tips: Give it time, starting out is the hardest part and hip flask.
It all sounds so terrible. And I want to have every part of it!! SAHM is my dream job! Bring it on! (it's very much easier said than done.)
ReplyDeleteComing from a SAHM who also homeschools, I really, really enjoyed this post! I don't relate to the food part at all, there are days I would just forget to eat if it wasn't for the fact that my blood sugar gets low and I get the shakes so bad even cleaning can't be done :P
ReplyDeleteOne thing that helps a whole lot when caring for preschoolers is to be prepared in advance. When we're running around finding things for them to do is when the whining and boredom induced mess making starts. I keep arts and crafts supplies handy (but out of their reach) and am constantly adding to it. Have jars of noodles to string, finger paint (I like the shower curtain idea), play dough, shaving foam, sand, salt, etc...you get the idea.
One thing I've found in the cleanup department is the old adage, "A place for everything, and everything in it's place". I started teaching my kids as young as 1 how to clean up after themselves, first with a LOT of help from me, but now at 6, my son can make his own bed, clean up all his toys when asked (alone, I might add), wipe the table after lunch, etc. If you make it fun, they learn how to tidy up and get used to seeing things put away. I'm not saying my house is never a mess, it is, but it helps to start early with teaching them how to do it themselves.
And don't worry, it gets better with time, you all find your grove and you'll actually enjoy it (at least I hope so :D)
I have to say that when I stayed at home for 6 weeks recently, I thought I would kill Kendri before the day was out. She's definitely Brian's child; need I say more. Nap time never came soon enough! At least you are lucky enough to have more than one child so that they an entertain each other.
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't have any kids yet so I can't answer your questions, but from the looks of it you sound like a great father and you also made me really hungry. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna go have second dinner now.
HAHA! That poopie thing kills me. I'm pretty sure my nephew learned the entire alphabet one trip to the potty at a time. "Look Auntie... it's a J" or "I made a question mark!" Eeesh! (Please don't ask about the letters W, K and X... too many traumatic memories!) Eeesh! But you are so right, celebration IS mandatory! Another great laugh! Thanks, Que!
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P.S. Here's a video honoring all of you Dads! Enjoy!
http://vimeo.com/12714406
@SandyAnnDee - Yeah. The food thing. I'm eating leftover Spaghetti as I write this! Uh, don't tell my wife I'm eating Spaghetti for breakfast.
ReplyDeleteYou're a teacher too?!? You've covered my top two things. I think a parent is the most important job in the world and I think teachers should be the highest paid profession in the world. Again, that is if you don't tell my wife I'm eating spaghetti for breakfast!
@MinaAriel - Thank you for your kind words. That's some great stuff. Except for the Yo Gabba Gabba. I'm afraid of that show. It freaks me out. My kids love it. But I keep watching it thinking, "I don't get it!" I know it's ME because THEY get it. I am glad to see that Biz Markie still has a job, though.
@Lilly - My FAVORITE non-parent blogger! Yeah, it is stress eating. But it is also just eating eating. I guess being at home and around food just makes me want to eat. When I'm at work, I don't see food or smell food. So I guess I just don't get hungry that much. But here... Ohhh, man! I just ate and I'm hungry again.
@WeaselMom - My stint as a SAHP (during the day) is almost over. At the end of July, my schedule changes at work again and I'm back to working during the day instead of the evening. I am considering the flask and I am personally regarding that is the BEST advice I have received during this time. Thanks!
@aurora's cross - My wife is the same way. Every year I try to figure out a way for her to be a SAHM but it never happens. We dug a debt hole too much (before and during marriage) for that the happen. The sad part is that we are on pace to be able for her to do it in 2 years. The only problem is that our youngest will be getting ready to start school then. So it wouldn't make sense. BLECK!
@Gaby - I'm terrible with the whole cleaning thing. It's the whole idea of making up the bed. If it wasn't going to be messed up for 2 straight days then it would make sense to make it up. Same with toys... I hate the cleaning of toys that were only used for 5 seconds. We have a BUNCH of those. My wife is on guard watching me because I want to take all of those toys and sell them to another unsuspecting family. I just hate picking those same little toys up over and over again. I know... crazy, huh?
@KendrisMom - Brian's child??? You have my condolences! And we are definitely blessed to have multiple children but not because they entertain each other. They drive each other crazy. There are those rare times when they do play "together" but those are VERY rare. Most of the time they just want to play with the same thing at the same time and the other child just becomes the enemy. That gets fun too.
@JoJo - Welcome JoJo! Thanks for commenting on my blog. For that, your second meal is on me. Just send me the bill. :)
@ME - OK. That video was an AWESOME find. I watched that thing a few times. I like the line that mentions the turtle. But everything is funny. Thank you for the nice comments and the hilarious video!
It's not exactly sunshine and rainbows, hmm? Next time someone asks me what I possibly do all day when the learn I'm a stay at home mama, I'm directing them here. Brilliant. ;)
ReplyDelete@Gucci Mama - I have always been one to know that it's a job that I would never be able to do. I have much respect for those who do it well. So, yeah, send 'em over. I will tell them more stories of Daddy FAILS when trying to be a SAHD.
ReplyDeleteLeft you a little something on my blog :-).
ReplyDeleteSo many responses, so little optimal Goldilocks cleaning time before Jeremy gets home...
ReplyDeleteBut you know how I always say you sound like Jeremy? Today you sound like me! HAHAHAHAHA!
@JoJo - Thanks. I will check it out!
ReplyDelete@Missy - It's a tough job but somebody (else) has got to do it! That Stay At Home stuff is for people FAR better than me. My wife would have loved every minute of it if we could have ever made it happen.
You are hilarious, Que! Seriously, you make me laugh out loud. :)
ReplyDeleteThe only problems are - you're new at this so you haven't attained the level of numbness that comes after 15+ years. Completely tuning out the kids until an actual bone is protruding from their skin, or you see smoke coming from the garage, comes with time.
And, you don't have enough kids. You're clearly not busy enough. Four or so more kids ought to do the trick. Then you'll just have forgotten plates of food lying around with only one bite taken out of each item.
Oh, I forgot! You kept reminding me of Bill Cosby with his, "Just give it to your sister! She has stuff of mine too! Parents don't care about fair; they care about quiet!"
ReplyDeleteOh how I laughed at this. A two year old and a four year old? I vaguely remember.
ReplyDelete@Dawn - Thanks! But, I'm not sure how to take the evilness that you said in your second paragraph. MORE KIDS??? You see the problems I'm having with 3 and you want me to warp 3+ more minds. There wouldn't be enough therapy in the world to help me move past the decision of MORE KIDS. I do thank you for trying to BLESS me in such a manner, though.
ReplyDeleteOh, and the the COZ is always right!
@Lisa - Thanks for visiting. Yeah, we have 3. The oldest is 11. But she's smart. She stays out of all of that mess!
i have a 15, 13, 11 yo old so i don't have to worry about poopies. well, maybe when someone doesn't flush the toilet. freakin' nasties. haha but i've been doing the sahm thing for 6 yrs now (husband works long hours), and as much as i enjoy being there for the kids, there are times when i wish i had adult interaction. i've been back in school for awhile, but that's not adult interaction when i'm 2 to almost 3 times their age haha it's weird though, as much as you wish for peace and quiet, the minute the noise is gone, you miss it. this happens every time i have to send my girls to their dad's.
ReplyDeletep.s. i let my kids live in their filth. i hate cleaning and refuse to do theirs haha
ReplyDeletefunny. I lost my job in october and have been home since (while looking for a job) and when working FT I found it much more difficult to stay home for days when my son was sick then I do now. got into a routine etc but I do roll my eyes at the number of hours of TV kids should have...we have to sell (or lose) our house and its been really tough to keep clean. then I got a puppy thinking well, I now have the time if not the money WTF was I thinking? a 2 yr old and a puppy...sigh...
ReplyDelete@Ciara - I would do the letting kids live in their filth but my wife won't let me. That might change when our youngest is 10 or 11. But until then the cycle continues. Luckily (depending on how you look at it), my shift changes again next month.
ReplyDelete@Nina - You added a puppy to the mix?!?!? What WERE you thinking?!?!? :) We have 2 dogs as well. But they have been on the back burner since the little one was born. I know that stinks for them but if they can just hang in there for a few more years they will get all the attention they need.
Oh my did this bring back memories ... I never had time to eat. I'd have a raging headache at 3 and realize I hadn't eaten yet.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the toys with little pieces - I had some colorful little plastic baskets. Legos in one, Fisher Price people and stuff in another, etc., etc. If they wanted to pull out something different, the previous one had to be put away. Most days this worked pretty well, some days I'd go in and several baskets and their contents had been conscripted into fort making or something. But then we raced to sort them out again. And TV ... ack. Nothing but PBS, I loosened up a little when they got older, but I figured it I couldn't stand to listen to the inanity, it couldn't be good for them. Some of the kids shows (and I'd have to include Dora in that) make me want to pound nails into my head.
Wonderful, fun post! SAHM truly was the most challenging thing I ever did, and it's always fun to welcome someone else to the membership.
Jules
OMG! I am laughing so hard I am crying. You are so funny and you speak the truth....try this one...I am SAHM who WORKS FROM HOME! LOL!
ReplyDeleteYeah...I am licensed in home childcare provider. So not only am I "mad" enough to stay home with my own kids (which there are days I would much rather put on my darlin' hubby's BDUs and go "Defend our country" than stay home) but on any given day I "voluntarily" allow people to bring in 2-5 MORE kids! Yes, you read that right...I can legally have SEVEN kids in this house (on these days I can totally relate to Dawn Meehan)...granted I get "paid" to do it...but we are not in any danger of knocking anyone out of the "700 Club". Yeah...Move over Bill Gates....NOT! LOL!
To answer some of your questions....I am CONSTANTLY on a diet. I have a cleaning SCHEDULE, MENUs, Playdate SCHEDULE, and my "Lists" and "schedules" are endless and probably rival the "war room" on a battle ship at times. Especially if my dralin' hubby is DEPLOYED...so then I get to be a SINGLE,Work at home MOM......yeah that was the best 5 mths of my life this year...NOT. Anyway...you are funny. I am glad I took Dawn's suggestion and read your blog. I read Spud's when I can as well. Thanks again for your funny insight and keep it coming!
@Julesagain - Why is it everyone is saying they didn't remember to eat?!?! I gaining weight like crazy. I'm not even losing it playing the Wii! Luckily (depending on how you look at it), things will change beginning Aug. 2nd. I don't want to ruin the kids any more than I already have. :)
ReplyDelete@Kami - Good luck with working from home as a SAHM! You have all of my respect. Especially the fact that you bring in other people's kids. I don't care if they ARE paying you. To me, that's just insane (in a good way).
Thanks for stopping by! I'm not sure where you find the time. But I'm glad you did and doubly glad you commented.
I can so relate even though my 2 are older (DS 11 & DD 7). Lost my FT job in March and enjoyed the time in March, April, May, and first week of June. Then SUMMER started and now we're all home 24/7. ugh. I had a day last week when my husband was working (he works every 3rd day being a fireman/paramedic) and the kids were at each others' throats AGAIN and all I wanted to do was turn in my MOM card & quit. I can't take the noise (fighting). I can't take the tv being on (especially when its Disney channel's reruns of reruns). I can't take the bickering (did I mention that already?) no matter where we are - home, store, library - doesn't matter. I can't take the complaining at the pool ("there's no one here I know"). I don't know how SAHP do it, but I know enough to know that I am NOT cut out for it (at least not when school is out for the summer). Good luck getting through your final weeks of SAH-ness.
ReplyDelete@Meg - You are a woman after my own heart. There are several times I want to turn in my MOM card as well.
ReplyDeleteSeriously funny stuff here! :) Hope you don't mind if I post a link to you from my blog. I've been a SAHM going on 14 years now, and it has done wonders for my sense of humor! So did you today! Great writing - keep it up.
ReplyDelete@Chichristine - Thanks! I absolutely do NOT mind if you link me on your blog. :) 14 years, huh? You have my respect and admiration. I would have easily gotten it wrong within the first 2 years and my wife would have sent me back to work to save everyone!
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